YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Maybe all my troubles stem from falling on my head when I was 2 or 3 and having to get stitches? I don't know.... maybe it WAS because my mother drank and smoked while pregant with me in 1967-68......

I ended up with ADHD and that is with a big hyperactivity!.

Let me clarify that I love my mum (she died in 2010) and my dad (1996)... they had their issues... my father was an alcoholic and so was my mom but she became sober in the early 70's... and then they divorced.

They both did their best and I was fairly privileged and lucky...

but I seriously struggled all my life with friendships.
It is odd, but I have had a strange feeling that I am somehow very very different and have been observing "life" but not allowed to fully participate in it. LIke I am an alien in this body and it is making me act like a socially awkward person at times. Sometimes I am fine, but other times people treat me differently. Like I am giving off phermones that turn folks off.

This has been in existance as far back as I can remember... so my problems stem from wayyyy back...

I have tried everything, medication, therapy books.. everything.. but I still am odd.

I am an only child.. so maybe that is part of it.

I was an easy target. Everyone loved to pick on me... still do!.. and I am 45!!!

Drives me nuts!

I remember being very young and watching The Little Mermaid for the first time. The song "Part of Your World" made me (and still makes me) want to cry and I didn't understand why. I looked closer at the lyrics a few years ago and noticed how I could relate to this little fictional character. A few lyrics:

"I wanna be where the people are / I wanna see, wanna see them dancing"

"What would I give if I could live out of these waters? What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?"

"When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above? . . . Wish I could be part of that world."

My boyfriend thinks it's a bit of a stretch. But for a girl who's always felt that she's had to work twice as hard as everyone else just to appear normal, who's always felt a sense of restlessness and wanting more, found herself watching more than being part of things... I guess I could just understand Ariel on such a deep level that it made me cry before I even realized what it really meant to me.

Sorry I can't offer any advice. I just thought I'd share my experience from back in nursery school.