Note to Self: DO NOT check FB when Lonely

[LookingForSafety]

I'm really upset tonight, b/c my partner did something hurtful, and the loneliness is coming on strong. It's really, really hard for me to maintain friendships and I end up relying on my partner far too heavily. Any time we experience problems or have fights I feel so horribly lonely. I've been in individual therapy on and off for years, but I recently also joined a therapy group to work on interpersonal stuff and understand why I have such trouble connecting to other people. I know a big part of it is having grown up with a mother who has trouble with relationships. I absorbed her fears and insecurities and distrust in other people without even realizing it. She has no idea how much she fucked me up without meaning to.

Anyway, no more computer for me tonight. I'm just going to go take a shower and get ready for bed and try to be as kind to myself as possible. Hugs out there to everyone else who's having a bad day, a bad week, a bad year, a bad few years, etc... I'm sending you love.

[bigeekgirl]

Hi LookingForSafety - I understand how hard it can be to look at social media when it seems like everyone has strong social connections but me. The mom stuff is rather close to home for me. I feel infected by my mother's trauma and warped point of view. She did her best, but, wow, it was still a disaster. I have to work so hard to figure out what other people instinctively know about life. Pat yourself on the back for the work you are doing in therapy and with your support group.

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

And it can never be repeated too frequently that FB/social media is CURATED and not an accurate representation of most people's realities. I have literally removed all social media from my phone and hidden my passwords to FB so that if I want to check it I have to do it consciously. I still have messenger in case I want to chat with someone and I find that to be a healthy compromise. After doing this for almost a year I have come to realize just how little there is of value on my social media feeds - they do not help me feel more connected to friends and family most of the time. I suggest reaching out periodically to people on your friends list that you don't see as much as you'd like. People tend to be busy and need to schedule social time in advance as life gets more hectic but I think loneliness is much more common than most are willing to admit. Someone has to initiate so why not reach out and see if someone you like just wants to grab a coffee or go for a walk in a park? I tend to be the one that initiates - I wouldn't see my friends if I didn't invite them to do things with me - but I don't take it personally, I just accept that people are busy/tired most of the time. Maybe you could invite a person from your support group for coffee at some point if you feel comfortable doing so?