YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I just realized that my younger cousin, whom I care for like a brother, could care less about me, steals from me, lies from me and uses me as much as he can. We both had it rough growing up, so I have always tried to be there for him and have always felt a need to protect. I always knew he was a bit selfish, but my husband has recently brought it to my attention who he truly is. He (my cousin) has even made comments to me about how he randomly steals from his friends, he has even told me ways that he uses people. He's literally screaming in my face, "HEY IM DOING THESE THINGS TO YOU, TOO". My heart is just broken, I've recently had to cut contact with a very toxic and abusive relationship with my sister and I just can't believe that both of these people have been hurting me for this long and I was just too blind to see it. The older I get the more distant I feel from my family and it's been painful. These shitty realizations have made me feel like such an idiot. I'm almost 30 years old and I let these people continue to hurt me and use me over and over again. And here I was, thinking I was making real progress in my therapy.

As a chronic rug - I feel you - I am always just letting myself get trampled to allow others to feel better - but that is that darn co -dependence - we want people to like us and think they are there for me - and it puts blinders on - while it sucks so much that your family is seriously taking advantage of this - the only way to cleanse yourself is to cut ties -

*hug*

It is and will be harder than ever but you are making progress - realizing that you are unable to continue the cycle is progress - I applaud you and my heart hurts for you - sometimes I wish I was a drag queen - built in community of support - but there are others who cling to being ultra helpful to avoid truth finding and I am there with you - I am trying to learn my way through it as well -

And here I was, thinking I was making real progress in my therapy.

I hate to say it, but I think that's what progress in therapy actually looks like.

There's a saying in AA that recovery is like peeling layers of an onion—there's always another layer underneath and the work involves a lot of tears. If it helps any, I was 37 before I even grasped the fact that I was raised in an abusive household and 44 before I even had a dawning awareness that my relationship with my mother might also be abusive, in a Munchausen's-by-proxy kind of way, so at least you've got a good head start on me.

Hang in there. I think you're doing great just to be able to put words to the crap. Naming it is a step closer to kicking it to the curb.