Bad date. I'm out!

[oak]

Dear friends.

Thank you for treating me so well here, over the years. So much kindness, warmth, and encouragement. You have helped teach me to feel, to express, to value myself.

I've been cared for here in this forum, increasingly in my family of origin, at work (mostly), and (of all places) my fraternity back in the day.

I know I am worthy of love because of the lovely people listed above. So now that I know what real love is...

In 2018 I went on four dates. Except they didn't show up four times. Yes, I got stood up %100, with no apologies.

Hope triumphed over experience, and I eagerly (laughs bitterly, now) agreed to be set up with someone last week.

She showed up!

So much for the good news.

We were there for over an hour, and she talked 99% of the time.

She didn't thank me for the appetizers and drinks.

Upon parting, being a sucker (for the last time, as you'll see) I told her I was interested in seeing her again. She kindly but briefly said she wasn't interested. I was a good sport, wished her well, and went on my way. I do wish her well.

Heterosexuality: I am done! I'm out. No more.

I'll never approach or ask out another woman for as long as I live. I'll be polite and civil and kind and good but never again flirt, ask anyone out, or go on a date. Never.

God/fate/(or, most likely) evolution made me straight, hopelessly so, so I am going to find other ways to fill my time.

I mean, I am super sorry to say all this since I wanted an intimate relationship more than anything, and often feel lonely, but that is the fate and reality I can't avoid any more.

I am not mad at anyone, and wish everyone every happiness. I hope sincerely everyone else on earth has an eternally meaningful and fulfilling intimate life.

But me, I'm out.

[manuel_moe_g]

Her loss. She is probably attracted to the kind of men who are not self-actualized.

[brownblob]

I'm sorry to hear about this frustrating experience. Like Manuel said Her Loss. You are a great guy and valued on this board. I often times read your posts about the work you are doing on yourself and feel disappointed in myself for not doing more.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

I'm so sorry, and it's impossible not to take it personally.
Life is hard, and relationships more so.

Thinking about Simon & Garfunkel's song "I am a Rock, I am an Island". I've worn that one for awhile...

Wondering about when you said, "...agreed to be set up with someone..", what was that about?

[rivergirl]

I don't blame you for being discouraged, Oak.

I know it's little comfort, but if that's the way she behaves on a first date when people are generally on their better behavior, then you may be well rid of her.

Sending you some love & a virtual hug!

rivergirl

[oak]

Thank you, my dear friends MM, BB, SD, and RG!

And yes, I identify with "I am a Rock" more than I care to admit!

I am grieving, in two ways:

1. I organized my life around having an intimate relationship with a woman, and that has not happened.

2. Were the date last Thursday to have gone well, I'd very likely be on a third date right now. Instead, nothing.

Grief exhausts me.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Just letting you know we're with you.... and grief *is* exhausting.

Don't want to cheer-lead, and feel free to ignore.

But I have to believe that there is someone out there that you could be happy with, at least for awhile. Hard part is connecting....

(Many times when flying over the country, I'll look down and wonder about people and their stories..... So many millions of narratives.....).

When you said, "Agreed to be set up with someone....", sounds like by a friend or an acquaintance? What were the details there?