YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I don't know where it came from but this huge wave of sadness and a crying jag just came out of the blue, while I was walking home from an errand. I'm not a hugger generally, though people in my life know that when I hug, it's very genuine. What I crave more than anything,what I envision, is sitting on a bridge or the edge of some water, legs hanging down and a friend just rubbing my back, gently. It won't stop the tears. If anything, the array of emotions it brings out in me will probably make me cry harder. It's like coaxing a burp out of a baby. But I have no one in my life I can ask for that. To be that patient with me and not look at their watch or be judging me about what I'm feeling and the crying. I just recently started a Depression/Bipolar support group and I seem to be the only one who comes even close to crying, and I'm so new to the group, I don't even feel like there's anyone there I can lean on.

I don't think my meds are working and I'm taking a lot of them
I would be in therapy 20 hours a week if I could
I'm trying so hard to use all my CBT/DBT tools and they just aren't breaking through

I feel for you. Those sudden surges of emotion can be hard to deal with, especially if they are unexpected. I'm really glad that you are trying a support group. I have found my therapy group to be so much more helpful than just working with my therapist alone. Feeling that you're not alone - that other people go through some of the same things as you - is really, really important. My therapist also talks about group as being a safe place to experiment - to test out some of the theories about what you think will happen if you make yourself vulnerable to others.

It's like coaxing a burp out of a baby.

That's a perfect description. I know that feeling. All of a sudden the dam that was holding the sadness back... it doesn't exactly shatter, it almost melts away.

I hope that you can feel brave and ask someone in your group for a hug if you honestly don't have anyone else you can ask. I know that it's not the same as a physical hug, but I am sending you good thoughts and as much compassion and empathy as I can muster.

Hugs....
sometimes emotions are attached to a story and sometimes we find a story to attach to them. you are sad, you need to cry and you need to be comforted....consider this a pat on the back as the emotions rise.
as for the support group, don't worry about if others cry or not...I joined a support group for suicide survivors and some people cried all the time and some never did - for me, it was the only place I didn't cry because I felt accepted and some said it was the only place they could cry...the point is, the support group is for you to use in the way it helps you and if crying helps, do it. Don't worry about if others do or not...if a group would judge you for tears, find another group.

Hugs! Hang in there.