YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

A tough day for me today. I am trying to find a job for the winter and a good friend is helping me. I really need a four day a week job ( I work 6 days a week for seven months of the year) so that I can take care of myself and feed my soul through my new found love of art. I am feeling overwhelmed and am having a terrible time asking for what I need. I'm worried that I will turtle to the pressure that I feel and give in and work more than I want to or would be good for me at this time in my recovery (depression, PTSD social anxiety disorder). I am also worried that I will be letting people down by not doing what they want me too- yes I am a recovering people pleaser. I am worried that they will think I am a demanding bitch and think I am special and am looking for favors. Is it wrong to ask for what we need just because we feel that we need it? Why is the asking so hard? Why do we feel like we don't deserve what we ask for?

Gawd, just writing this down feels like such a relief. Fear of what I percieve others think of me can be so crippling. So is the fear of the new a different.

Your "people pleaser" comment strikes me, because I was having a somewhat similar frustration today. In this latest recurrence of my depression/anxiety, I have found myself wanting to be a much more loving and friendly guy. I've always been very nice and polite, but among friends and family I do display a very angry cynical side. Again, I do not direct this AT anyone, it's more about the comments and jokes I make. Now, all that being said, I am finding it very daunting to get meaningful positive feelings about being a super-loving, friendly guy. It's like, in trying to be some sort of beacon of love and positivity, I am setting myself up for disappointment.

There is nothing wrong with asking for something you want! In the short term, sometimes it feels easier to just give in to what other people want, but in the long term we can't be happy like that. You'll feel much better if you find the time to take care of yourself, too.