Moral cowardice, starting with me. TW: AIDS, opiates.
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 5:50 pm
Caveat: Everything I say here only applies to me and my moral cowardice.
There's a lot I'd like to say about this, but even at age 10 in 1986 I knew some lives were valued more than others.
People were sad, properly, when the space shuttle fell in pieces. People were happy, properly, when the baby was plucked out of the well.
I remember people were sad, properly, when a little boy (Ryan White) and a pretty woman (Liz Glaser) died of AIDS.
But nobody gave a damn when Freddie Mercury or Rock Hudson died. No one gave a crap. Everything was swept under the rug.
I learned at that age that certain lives are valued more than others.
At age 10 I knew something was happening, but I didn't have the moral opportunity to do anything about it.
Now, at age 40 I see another generation getting wiped out, this time with opiates, and nobody is saying anything.
Just like AIDS, a bunch of great people are dying, and we pretend like nothing is happening.
Again, I say this only to criticize myself. Here I am, 8+ years sober, with health insurance, wishing opiate addicts well. As if my wishing will help anyone at all. It won't.
Example: I am acquainted with a woman whose daughter (lovely woman, middle class upbringing) was prescribed opioids for migraines, segued into heroin, and died. My acquaintance stated that if she had a certain nasal spray on hand, one that immediately reverses an overdose, she could have saved the life of her daughter.
I promised my acquaintance I'd buy a dose of this spray. I don't know anyone on opioids, but I wanted to be prepared. A few days later I asked, meekly, at the pharmacy and they treated me like dirt, and misinformed me (I found out later) about the availability and price. They lied to me.
(I assert that they are complicit, morally, in overdose deaths if they are lazy and prefer to lie. But I am not posting here to take their inventory, much as they richly deserve it.)
I am sorry this is so rambling. I don't know where else to say this. I am just so sick, so tired, of the repeating of the same callous cruel indifference I observed as a child. We've learned nothing.
Worse, I have proven myself complicit and a coward.
I am grateful for my sobriety. But I don't want it to be an excuse, a plausible reason, to distance myself. At age ten I couldn't do anything. At age forty I don't know what to do.
There's a lot I'd like to say about this, but even at age 10 in 1986 I knew some lives were valued more than others.
People were sad, properly, when the space shuttle fell in pieces. People were happy, properly, when the baby was plucked out of the well.
I remember people were sad, properly, when a little boy (Ryan White) and a pretty woman (Liz Glaser) died of AIDS.
But nobody gave a damn when Freddie Mercury or Rock Hudson died. No one gave a crap. Everything was swept under the rug.
I learned at that age that certain lives are valued more than others.
At age 10 I knew something was happening, but I didn't have the moral opportunity to do anything about it.
Now, at age 40 I see another generation getting wiped out, this time with opiates, and nobody is saying anything.
Just like AIDS, a bunch of great people are dying, and we pretend like nothing is happening.
Again, I say this only to criticize myself. Here I am, 8+ years sober, with health insurance, wishing opiate addicts well. As if my wishing will help anyone at all. It won't.
Example: I am acquainted with a woman whose daughter (lovely woman, middle class upbringing) was prescribed opioids for migraines, segued into heroin, and died. My acquaintance stated that if she had a certain nasal spray on hand, one that immediately reverses an overdose, she could have saved the life of her daughter.
I promised my acquaintance I'd buy a dose of this spray. I don't know anyone on opioids, but I wanted to be prepared. A few days later I asked, meekly, at the pharmacy and they treated me like dirt, and misinformed me (I found out later) about the availability and price. They lied to me.
(I assert that they are complicit, morally, in overdose deaths if they are lazy and prefer to lie. But I am not posting here to take their inventory, much as they richly deserve it.)
I am sorry this is so rambling. I don't know where else to say this. I am just so sick, so tired, of the repeating of the same callous cruel indifference I observed as a child. We've learned nothing.
Worse, I have proven myself complicit and a coward.
I am grateful for my sobriety. But I don't want it to be an excuse, a plausible reason, to distance myself. At age ten I couldn't do anything. At age forty I don't know what to do.
