Being called 'Perf'
Posted: December 8th, 2013, 8:13 pm
In high school my environment made me feel like I was never good enough. The only way I could be good enough, in my opinion, was to be perfect. I had an eating disorder, perfect grades, and constant, private breakdowns.
Then I got to college.
One of my resident assistants had this amazing personality, and would end the floor emails by saying "GOODNIGHT BEAUTIFULS" OR "[our floor] IS SO FABULOUS." The Resident assistants were supposed to carve pumpkins for their floor, but this RA didn't have enough time, so he wrote "YOU ARE PERF" on a pumpkin in bright pink paint and put in in the floor lounge. That pumpkin was the most beautiful goddamn thing I've ever seen. Being called perfect was an amazing experience, and though he didn't direct it specifically at me, the idea of being unconditionally called beautiful and perfect was new and amazing. I internalized that pumpkin, and have started to love myself more and more since freshman year.
Also shout out to the boy at the dining hall that gave me massive amounts of noodles and rice when he was serving at the asian food station. Giving a person who was recovering from undereating "permission"to eat large amounts of tasty food means more than you know. I couldn't shut up to my friends about how much food he gave me. And now I can't shut up to all of you. Because I still remember that plate of noodles.
Then I got to college.
One of my resident assistants had this amazing personality, and would end the floor emails by saying "GOODNIGHT BEAUTIFULS" OR "[our floor] IS SO FABULOUS." The Resident assistants were supposed to carve pumpkins for their floor, but this RA didn't have enough time, so he wrote "YOU ARE PERF" on a pumpkin in bright pink paint and put in in the floor lounge. That pumpkin was the most beautiful goddamn thing I've ever seen. Being called perfect was an amazing experience, and though he didn't direct it specifically at me, the idea of being unconditionally called beautiful and perfect was new and amazing. I internalized that pumpkin, and have started to love myself more and more since freshman year.
Also shout out to the boy at the dining hall that gave me massive amounts of noodles and rice when he was serving at the asian food station. Giving a person who was recovering from undereating "permission"to eat large amounts of tasty food means more than you know. I couldn't shut up to my friends about how much food he gave me. And now I can't shut up to all of you. Because I still remember that plate of noodles.
