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Can I turn hates into fears?
Posted: November 10th, 2013, 1:56 pm
by shanarchy
I was wondering if my "hates" are actually fear-based.
I find myself thinking and feeling I hate something. When I would really prefer to think I don't hate anything.
I'd rather only fear things because I can go on with things even when I feel afraid.
But hatred is limiting. When I hate something, I want to block it from my life.
Is it possible then to find the root of my hatred in a fear?
For example, I was thinking I hate when I've spent a lot of money on a fancy makeup product and it turned out it made my face brake out in acne.
Meditating upon my hate, I see I fear overspending money, wasting money, throwing away good money on something that doesn't work.
It makes me feel dumb. Like I made a bad decision.
By this example, is it logical to find at least one fear behind all hated things?
Re: Can I turn hates into fears?
Posted: November 10th, 2013, 10:41 pm
by manuel_moe_g
Fear is more intense than hate, so I can see fear dragging along with it all kinds of emotions, including hate.
If you hate something, but you have the power to keep it completely in check, then I don't see how fear necessarily enters into it.
But if you really really fear something, then hatred of some aspect of it should manifest.
Re: Can I turn hates into fears?
Posted: November 11th, 2013, 7:29 am
by shanarchy
Thanks for replying manuel!
I would love to read an example of your explanation.
Could you provide one for me?
Thank you.
Re: Can I turn hates into fears?
Posted: November 11th, 2013, 12:09 pm
by manuel_moe_g
OK, let me get personal.
Number 1 fear (right now): I am more effective now on Abilify and with current techniques. My fear is that my life will always feel like a drudge with my skin feeling clammy and I will be no closer to happiness just busily working.
This fear makes me hate the work I need to do to stay out of depression and keep anxiety away. It seems like such a burden and it seems so busy-busy-busy - I hate it.
[Really I know that the feeling of hatred and frustration is a sign that I should close my eyes in a dark room, and that I should keep moving but move more slowly and with more deliberation so I can keep frustration away, and that I should confess my mental state to the loved ones around me]
Number 1 hate (right now): the busy work that I need to do to stay out of depression and keep anxiety away, just like I said above.
Number 2 hate (right now): I hate the "electric shock" I get from just minor frustrations - my face and body tense up. This is close to the fear I have of always being a loser slowed down by anxiety. [Really I know my old definition of being winner/loser was society based. Being realistic about my capabilities as a person with depression & anxiety, my definition of being a winner is maximizing my capability and fulfilment without caring about how society would characterize my success. My depression and anxiety let me help people with mental illness and do so with compassion and authenticity, and my depression and anxiety boost my sympathy for people who are suffering. Those are things of value, I know it.]
Number 3 hate (right now): I hate the huge "pimples" on my body that refuse to heal, they come about because of psoriasis.
http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and- ... pes?page=1
My fear is that psoriasis will completely devastate my quality of life.
[Really I know that I can adapt to any life challenge. I am blessed with a wife who cooks healthy meals, and I have an array of low impact things I can do to adapt no matter where my psoriasis goes. In the future, psoriasis treatments will improve. And Obamacare is now the law of the land! I have never been more secure in having access to the medical treatments that I need.]
Re: Can I turn hates into fears?
Posted: December 4th, 2013, 2:38 pm
by bitteroldshrew
It sounds reasonable to me to think that fear would be behind most hatred. Hatred is a product of anger which is often a product of fear. I think that we use anger and hatred as tools to deflect those feelings of helplessness and vulnerability. So yes, it's possible that there are fears behind your hatred.