I'm getting help: underearning.

[oak]

Weary, thanks so much for your encouragement. It was all the support I got all week.

I thought about your post, and I have come to believe that it is all physical:

In the morning, I have breakfast, caffeine, and hike. All good. Plans are implemented, and action is taken. All good.

In the early afternoon, I start to get hungry, a little tired, and in my head. Even when I take action, the negative thought loop starts playing in my head.

Your post helped me examine what was happening, and how predictable it was.

My solution will be to schedule a time to splash water on my face, have a little snack (I like these stone ground wheat crackers), a drink of water, and a brief walk outside for about ten minutes.

Then immediately back to job searching. At 4 or 5 pm I will usually bottom out emotionally if I don't have any response from employers.

I do like the idea of #2 serving the #1 me as a friend warning of an upcoming need. While #3 me is good, like you say, #2 is a warning I ignore to my own peril. That is, #2 can serve as a warning to #1. Like a friend, giving a heads up.

Lastly, I am continuing to try new methods to spend time on task. I downloaded a free stopwatch app, for when I spend "time on task" (keeping in mind that I am a chronic time-waster).

Also, I made a list of 13 things I can do for that "time on task". The two things I've wasted much of my adult life on (much as I am shamed to type that) are wasting time online, and reading books are not on the time on task list. Now, wasting time online and reading are fine pursuits....on my time off...if I had a job.

While I am facing homelessness, I will save reading for 5:01 pm. If it is 4:59, I want to applying for jobs.

My goal is four hours a day, time on task. On Friday I was at 1:26. I'll post updates in a week.

Thanks for listening.

[oak]

A few vignettes of my facing underearning:

1. #1 me (The organized, optimistic self) will write down 10 to-do items for the day, usually in the morning. That is, I list the 10 things I want to accomplish, and put a star next to the things I "need" to accomplish. I always do all the starred items, and am very pleased if I do two thirds of the rest. If I do half or even one third of the "should" list, I am perfectly happy with myself.

2. Of the up to ten things in the daily list, I try to include one or two that are re-creative: usually hiking or listening to music.

Ideally I'd listen to music everyday. I especially am growing to love Latin jazz, introduced to me by Buena Vista Social Club.

3. After I got sober from alcohol my desire for sweets went way up. (This is common with my sober friends, too.) Personally I prefer starchy sweetness, like marshmallows straight from the bag (especially stale marshmallows!). I also enjoy what I call rich-sweets, like Heath bars. I do not care much for straight-sugary candy like Skittles.

I also am willingly mentally addicted to 3 cans of pop a day. While I will win no nutrition medals for this, find me one person who would prefer the old days of me drinking six beers a day without thinking of it, 3 or 4 or 5 days a week.

While I am healthy, sometimes poorly timed sugar will wipe out me emotionally.

Thus, I am adding better foods that I like, including canned lima beans, high fiber granola bars, milk, and bran cereal.

I still "allow" myself candy, so I am just _adding_ stuff that is less-worse.

4. Many of those foods I've added are high in fiber. In a excretory sense, regularity is awesome!

Poop: that's what I am euphemizing about.

5. The other night I saw Jackass 2 on tv, I remembered that at age 30, with my first real girlfriend, around that time (2006) I'd frequently take her to dinner and a movie.

Then, no joke, I squinted into space, it slowly dawning on me, a half-forgotten life, that seemed to belong to someone else:

"Yes...that is what normal people do...they take people they are sexually attracted to... and emotionally bonded with... to dinner... and movies.... on Fridays...ah yes! these people have gasoline for their cars.... thus permitting them to drive to pick up their dates..."

I wish I could report that the above self-conversation was ironic.

[gfyourself]

Hey oak glad to see you continue to write.

I can confirm you are not alone on #5 above.

[kitkat]

I curious what else is on your todo list, if you don't mind sharing. I have many todo lists also, but I find it hard to get through them since I spend way more time on one than I think I will and before I know it the day is over and my checklist isn't checked.

I feel like we're in similar boats of unemployment, so I'm always curious how you're getting on. Best of luck your way!

PS, I don't want to hijack your thread, but I just wanted to mention one little thing. I got a call today about a job and completely screwed myself. I "umm"d a lot and couldn't remember my pay rate and when they asked how many years experience I had, I said something like, "well, I do it from time to time on and off so I don't really know." I just kept downplaying things a lot because I didn't want to say I had experience or confidence doing something I haven't done in a while, when really I should just be focused on getting the job. :/ anyway, that's my job story for today, haha.

[manuel_moe_g]

oak, catching up on this thread. You are not alone.

use online references on "borderline personality". it seems like using an elephant rifle to kill a mouse, but it is helpful with moving forward in the face of confusion and anxiety. Please don't get scared away by the stigma of "borderline personality" because the techniques are good for anyone who sometimes struggles with anxiety, confusion. Dialectic Behavioral therapy is the gold standard for "borderline personality"

Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Self Help Subreddit

This is a very helpful resource, lays out everything in organized bite-sized mini-essays

http://www.reddit.com/r/dbtselfhelp

Please take care, oak, you are so very much not alone. Cheers!

[oak]

gfyourself, kitkat, manuel moe and weary: much forum love.

You guys are emotional ice cream.

@gf: thanks for the encouragement about dating. I was so sad when I wrote that. Your kind post gave me a smile.

@manuel moe: thanks for the link. I tried searching for that topic a week ago, but a google search didn't turn up anything. Now I have a good link thanks to your post. I'll report back what I find.

@kitkat:

You certainly did not hijack my thread

In fact, I declare you Special Guest Speaker! Thanks for sharing your underearning story. And oh yes, the fucked phone interview: a very common experience!

Now you know what to prepare for next time, and just like my phone interviewers, I honor your prospective employers for giving you a chance! They see something in you, and were willing to reach out to you. Hooray for them, and hooray for you.

Since you so kindly ask, I will tell about my to-do list, which is not as complex as it sounds.

1. "The Plan"

Basically, I have broad goals, which I call "The Plan": full time employment, insurance, my own place, savings. This is the big picture, the dream.

I refer to The Plan about once a week, since it is the most broad goal.

2. "Time on Task"

This is a list of 13 things I have decided are "time on task": interviewing, preparing for interviews, applying for jobs, finding job openings, organizing my job search materials (ie notecards, see below), decluttering, journaling, studying job search books, etc.

I refer to this as needed, when I am tempted to waste time, when I'd rather be on task.

3. "To Do" list

In my diary, for each day I number it one through ten. In the morning I list the "needs" and "shoulds" get done for the day. I star the "needs", usually trying to limit them to two or three.

I complete the up to ten to do items for the day with "shoulds". I try not to go over ten to-do for one day, since if I try to do too much, I lose hope and do nothing.

While it is natural enough to complete all the "needs", I am happy if I get two-thirds of the "shoulds" done. Or even one-third. At any rate, I don't give a damn after 5 pm, especially since I accomplished the "needs".

That clarity really helps me.

I refer to the to-do list daily, writing it in the morning, working on it in the afternoon, and wrapping up shit in the afternoon.

For example, today's list, with the amount of time it took, and if I completed it:

1. Print paper application for internship (five minutes)
2. Email job applications for jobs I'm qualified for (two apps, fifteen minutes)
3. Call elderly friend I mow the lawn of to confirm time for tomorrow (two minutes)
4. Eat crackers and drink water when I get tired in the early afternoon (thirty minutes)
5. Journal (not done yet. maybe the most important thing I do all day)
6. Burn Latin jazz cd (not done yet)
7. Organize notecards (ten minutes)
8. Prepare for Thursday phone interview (not done)
9. Request meeting room for phone interview (ten minutes)
10. Thank reference for providing a job reference (two minutes)

4. Notecards:

For each job I apply for I make a notecard of what I need to, and a suggested time for when.

I refer to these once or twice a week, to remind me of low importance tasks to complete.

So that is my long story!

No more than ten things a day, include personal/fun things, and forgive myself if few or none of the "shoulds" get completed.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello oak, great to read you are staying committed!

a fantastic article I recently found

The Science of Building Good Habits and How to Make Them Stick - Gregory Ciotti

[kitkat]

Thanks oak! Your reply made me smile, haha. I have a tendency to go off on tangents sometimes, so I worry people think I'm trying to make something about me, when I just like relating experiences together, you know? But, anyway, hooray for you too! Every time I read an update from you, it motivates me to work harder. I actually just came in to the forum because I've been having such trouble concentrating today, but now I feel pumped!

Thanks for sharing your to-do list, it is such a good idea! I usually just write things I need to "get done at some point" and then looking at the list is kind of overwhelming and before I know it my day is gone. So the Time on Task thing is a super idea for when I get caught in an internet surfing spiral. I also want to get back in to journalling, so maybe if I also use my journal for writing a to-do list, it'll help me get back in to it. And maybe if I have proper tasks, I'll feel less guilty about relaxing after "work hours."

I'll give it a shot!

[oak]

Hey all, and thanks for your encouragement. I am grateful for said encouragement because the last two days I have felt spiritually exhausted. Or deep-down-emotionally exhausted.

For the last five weekdays I've been doing my list of 10 things to-do, prioritized.

Meanwhile, I was getting very little response from potential employers, which devastated me.

Fortunately, I did hear the other day that I will have a phone interview for a good position Thursday. So today, Wednesday, I put only one thing on my to-do list: prepare for said phone interview.

While I put some effort into that, I spent the rest of the day simply feeling. I worked some stuff out in my head, mostly gratitude for the people I've met in the last year.

As a single man, and unemployed, women/dating is enmeshed in my job search. Particularly in the positive sense: I meet amazing women and can't afford to take them out. Such is one benefit to getting off my butt and applying for some jobs.

So today I breathed, relaxed, and journaled. Tomorrow I can be pleasantly intense for my phone interview, and then use that experience to fire me up for more action.

The problem was/is that I am in the period between structured action, and results. It is absolutely exhausting.

Thanks for listening, and for your encouragement.

[oak]

Another post, if I may...

Here is what my job search situation comes down to: hope.

I give you a timeline:

The bad old days: Until 2009, I applied for jobs and interviewed by what seemed right. That didn't work for me.

2009-today: I am following the good orderly direction of job search books, such as "What Color is Your Parachute?". While Parachute may not be perfect, it is much better than my old, seat-of-the-pants "method".

Today-a year from today:?????

I know the job search books are right, I believe in the principles, and I am taking steps to spend time on task, my main stumbling block.

So!

I have the tools, I have the motivation, and I have the support. I believe doing a job search according to proven principles will work for others.

Will it work for me? _That_ is the final question, which much rides on!

In other words, if ala Back to the Future my fully employed 2014 self showed up to me today and said:

2014: Oak, man, this Parachute book works. You got a full time job in August. There were ups and downs, and disappointments, but you worked hard, time on task, and now your dream has come true. Don't worry, but work hard.

If I got such a message, I would lose 75% of my fear and regret. I'd take action! Daily.

So I believe in the book. Do I believe in myself?