Making friends, dating.
Posted: October 22nd, 2016, 5:38 pm
I am 40.
For years (2006-2013) I experienced working poverty, unemployment, and under-employment. (btw, each sucked in its own way, let me tell you.)
As recently as 2012 I faced the very real possibility of homelessness. People always talk about hitting bottom, and that point I knew where my bottom was, because I didn't have any more mental resources, hopes, or plans.
As recently as mid-2013 I was unemployable, until I got around some more successful people. Things then started to turn around quickly, and while I am some distance from the middle class, I am no longer working poor.
The Faustian bargain was that my work-life balance got way out of whack. I had to focus focus focus on job-career-skills at the expense of my physical, mental, and emotional health.
Lately, for some weeks/months now, my work-life balance has inched back to something like wholeness.
Now, I have the means (time and some disposable income) to make friends and date from scratch.
It is overwhelming. It is not a crisis, like when I was facing homelessness.
But it is overwhelming because it is just me.
I've improved my presentation (clothes, teeth, you know). I am trying to be more cheerful, and people generally find me non-threatening and often likeable.
I don't know what the solution is, but I do know what the solution isn't: holing up in my office or home. I have to get out into that real world, that messy place with all sorts of people.
The good news:
1. I went on a date last Saturday. She since stood me up for our second date, but I'll take the victory, however modest of someone showing up at a specific time just to see me, even if just one time.
2. When watching videos that came out when I was a teenager (as one does), for some reason it struck me that there are sometimes that one older guy, who just doesn't seem to fit. This is my initial impression.
Examples:
"Dave" at 00:27 https://youtu.be/6xGuGSDsDrM
Rocker (?) at 2:46 https://youtu.be/1w7OgIMMRc4
(Both of these songs hold up very well, even after 30 years.)
Then I realize that these guys, often older guys are bringing something to the table, usually from a technical/useful standpoint.
Which is just a really long way of saying that I've found a way to be that useful, older guy who people don't mind having around: rudimentary website building skills. (Much like Geocities back in the day, I can build a free drag/drop website that is only slightly off/weird/dated.)
I'll report back, now and then, as things develop. Whatever happens is up to me: I have to get out of the house and start meeting some people
Wish me luck. I need it.
For years (2006-2013) I experienced working poverty, unemployment, and under-employment. (btw, each sucked in its own way, let me tell you.)
As recently as 2012 I faced the very real possibility of homelessness. People always talk about hitting bottom, and that point I knew where my bottom was, because I didn't have any more mental resources, hopes, or plans.
As recently as mid-2013 I was unemployable, until I got around some more successful people. Things then started to turn around quickly, and while I am some distance from the middle class, I am no longer working poor.
The Faustian bargain was that my work-life balance got way out of whack. I had to focus focus focus on job-career-skills at the expense of my physical, mental, and emotional health.
Lately, for some weeks/months now, my work-life balance has inched back to something like wholeness.
Now, I have the means (time and some disposable income) to make friends and date from scratch.
It is overwhelming. It is not a crisis, like when I was facing homelessness.
But it is overwhelming because it is just me.
I've improved my presentation (clothes, teeth, you know). I am trying to be more cheerful, and people generally find me non-threatening and often likeable.
I don't know what the solution is, but I do know what the solution isn't: holing up in my office or home. I have to get out into that real world, that messy place with all sorts of people.
The good news:
1. I went on a date last Saturday. She since stood me up for our second date, but I'll take the victory, however modest of someone showing up at a specific time just to see me, even if just one time.
2. When watching videos that came out when I was a teenager (as one does), for some reason it struck me that there are sometimes that one older guy, who just doesn't seem to fit. This is my initial impression.
Examples:
"Dave" at 00:27 https://youtu.be/6xGuGSDsDrM
Rocker (?) at 2:46 https://youtu.be/1w7OgIMMRc4
(Both of these songs hold up very well, even after 30 years.)
Then I realize that these guys, often older guys are bringing something to the table, usually from a technical/useful standpoint.
Which is just a really long way of saying that I've found a way to be that useful, older guy who people don't mind having around: rudimentary website building skills. (Much like Geocities back in the day, I can build a free drag/drop website that is only slightly off/weird/dated.)
I'll report back, now and then, as things develop. Whatever happens is up to me: I have to get out of the house and start meeting some people
Wish me luck. I need it.