Heartbreak takes forever, dammit.

[Hiking Alone]

I had a heartbreaking breakup in January. I had to break up with a man I loved because he wasn't meeting my minimum relationship needs. It was a breakup I didn't want but had to do to be true to myself. It's been very difficult--lots of crying, hopelessness, self-loathing. I'm not sure what this dream means, but it was vivid.

I had a dream last night, I was at his house for some kind of
convention. Bruce's house had transformed into a big estate--nothing
was recognizable as his house.

I knew I shouldn't be there, but somehow I was planning on seeing if
he was open to getting back together--somewhere in the back of my head
that was a motive.

I saw him across a big room, our eyes met, and I said, Socks! (This is because I've decided that the next time I see him, I get to buy a pair of really awesome socks. Because I have a lot of anxiety about seeing him, and thinking about getting socks makes me feel better.)

I went the other direction. Then I was trying to avoid him, make sure
he wouldn't see me, or I wouldn't see him. I left. I didn't want to
see him, I was not going to go back to his house ever again.

I came back to his house later, and there was a wedding happening,
then his friend told me Bruce wasn't there, it was okay to come in. I
have no idea who this friend was, but he kept showing up thru the
dream and talking with me, mostly about the breakup and how I felt and
if I was okay. I didn't go in, because I needed to go to the store for
old black and white photos for something I was preparing. And I kept
thinking I needed to order those socks.

There was some other random shit--a guy showed me his little plant
collection in a box that he had been working on for three years. There
was a cliff.

So, right now I'm having a little cry.

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, Hiking Alone. You are being too hard on yourself to expect to be over already a heartbreak from January. We here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow. All the best!

[jolly_green_giant]

I can definitely relate to that dream and that general experience.