The internet

[ghughes1980]

Living in front of a computer monitor counts I hope. Any other activity I'm itching to get back here. My whole day seems to be when can I get back here to stare at some sort of content. Doesn't really matter what content anymore just something. Social interactions with people I keep brief so I can get back to this room again. Monday I have to play house for a family gathering and I really don't know how long I will be able to before I just have to be back online or just go nuts because I am one of the hosts of this gathering. Seeing as the get together is "here" (actually downstairs but I'm sure there will be bleed over into my living space) will I be able to get away from the social gathering to troll. If it does bleed over into the apartment will everyone feel as awkward as I do for the state in which I live? (It's not hoarders quite yet but not far off.)

[Alarmist]

I relate to this a lot right now. I'm hosting a very extroverted oldest friend for three days. My relationships have suffered over the last few years and his friendship is important to me but I wish he would just leave me alone for a few hours. I feel guilty about fantasizing about how much more fun I'd have alone. Or the glorious cyber-misery-basking I could have accomplished had he never shown up. It's my fault for not drawing boundaries.

I worry that I pour so much of myself into the internet. Have I become so terrified of rejection that I need the buffer online anonymity provides to be candid with someone? I feel over invested in the social affirmations the internet provides. I should be confiding to a personal friend rather than vomiting my despair into a glowing box. I worry that it makes me weirder everyday.

[Nevina]

I did my senior research project on Internet Addiction for my psych degree! And that was in 1996! I've been deep into it since 1993. I hate how it takes me away from living in the moment. Trying to find more balance.

[Jose]

I hate how addicted I am to the dumb internet. I don't even get much out of social networking with people I know. Going on facebook just makes me mad at how shallow my relationships are. I want to de-activate it SO bad, but it's my only contact with certain friends and family members. I just have to ask myself "how important is it really to be connected?" because I must log on to facebook 10 times a day and it never serves any purpose. It brings up all these unhealthy emotions, I need to quit. It's not helping me communicate with anyone, basically all I use it for is an address book.

Alarmist, I totally relate to what you said about "pouring too much of yourself into the internet" I worry about it, too. It's such a time suck, I love it for all the tools, information and media available, but outside of message boards like this where I feel comfortable to express myself ( because of anonymity ) Social networking just isn't working for me. I don't feel like I'm connecting with anyone, I'm just a stalker living vicariously through what other people type down. I fucking hate it, it makes me feel even more isolated than I already am. I want to just cut twitter and facebook out of my life COMPLETELY, I think it'd be so good for me. I want to focus on writing a screenplay and just journaling my personal thoughts, maybe take a crack at writing jokes... What I'm getting at here is I feel like I've internalized so much of everyone else's thoughts through podcasting, twitter and such that I barely feel like I have my own, and much less an outlet to express them.

Mindlessly surfing the net has become such a burden on me lately that I need to start taking steps to cut it out my life. Just like with any other addiction- if it's not working for you anymore, you should stop. On a daily basis the internet seems to get in the way of me doing anything productive, and I'm just fed up with it. I think I'm ready to leave the bullshit behind and use it for the tool it's intended to be and not just countless hours of mindless distraction.

[MizLzie]

Thank you Jose. You said exactly what I've been trying to write. Almost exactly my thoughts. I left FB over more dramatic reasons, but I was at the point of wanting to leave for what you've expressed. Plus all the viral garbage, I was "that" person who would comment with the Snopes reality to some dumbass thing/idea. If someone can FB, they can email or Skype. There are other ways to stay connected. I do miss seeing some people, but not enough to go back yet. Take a break, see how you feel. Tell those people to email or some other form of online communication, it's definitely doable.

I spend way too much time on my computer, not even doing anything productive like going through my hundreds of photos from Hawaii. Checking the same sites, to read the same crap. Force myself to go outside on the weekends, especially if it's nice out. There's a field across the street from me, where people play with their dogs, soccer, kids stuff all sorts of things. Having fun in their groups and I'm sitting inside watching them... I feel so much guilt that I haven't showered, just sitting at my comp with the TV on in the background. Plus, a most of my friends don't do what I do, so I can't even share stuff I've found interesting. "Great, talking about some thing she saw online today" ~ is what I imagine they are thinking...

Bought a new notebook and pens to carry with me in case I come up with something worth writing down/drawing. I have a bit of talent, not much at all, but you get better if you practice, right?

[Jose]

Hi guys, I'm not quite out of the woods yet with facebook. I managed to stay off it for about 5 days after the deactivation and then had to sign back in as a last resort to reach one of my friends. When I browsed through it again, it brought up all those same feelings of resentment towards these people in my life, and I deactivated again. My time off of it has benefitted me a lot, I would always kind of ruminate on certain complaints or jokes that I post as a status update, and I think it was just a waste of time, how much I obsessed over whether people 'liked' what I said, and if they didn't "do they like me?" Everyone who's ever used facebook knows exactly what I'm talking about.

So I just wanted to ask you guys about some useful sites to keep up with current events in world news, entertainment etc... I'll be honest, a lot of my internet activity is just on forums like this. I feel so ill informed most of the time, like I just don't know shit that's going on, I'm totally out of the loop. I used to like it that way, to just live the life that I have set out in front of me and not worry about the world, but with a few recent homicides in my area, I feel like I need to stay on my toes and be aware of what's happening. Not just in my city, but all over the Earth, because it puts things in perspective in your own life, always.

Please don't treat me like some novice who's never used the internet before. I happen to be using a very old computer that's full of issues and has trouble accessing the big search engines like yahoo and google. Besides, I'm tired of relying on search engines all the time anyway. So I was just wondering what some of your guys most trusted sites for information were. For news, or whatever else it is your into. I'm just trying to broaden my life on the internet a little bit and get more use out of it, because as of now I think my brain's rotting.

[Jose]

podcasts are a big addiction for me. I get a lot of enjoyment out of them, but I also feel that listening to them can take a lot of hours from my day when I could be doing something productive, like recording my own thoughts for a change. Anyways, my ipod recently went on the fritz from water damage, so I haven't been listening to them as often. I've been enjoying the break, because I think podcasts have conditioned my brain to always be occupied with distractions, rarely taking the time to listen to itself. I had a painting job to do recently where I'd be working for awhile outside, so I decided to borrow my sisters ipod to make the job go by smoother. I've been using it for a week now, and I just noticed the screen and entire casing is covered in scratches that weren't there before. I feel so bad that I didn't take better care of it, you know that guilt you get when something neglectful you do let's another person down? I'm just hoping she doesn't notice or mention it at all, then I'll be fine. But if she does I'll feel like the biggest jerk. I know I'll find some way to make it up to her. I'm gonna start by loading it up with a bunch of good music before giving it back. Maybe a case for it would help? It really only a tiny mistake and it's not like the thing is damaged beyond repair, I just don't like dissapointing people, but whatever she'll get over it. Haha, I know this is such a minor thing, but it's been bothering me and it stems from my addiction to the internet with always feeding on these podcasts. I guess you can look at this as an instance where my addiction had the potential to reach out and affect others negatively. Well that's a stretch, but I just wanted to see if you guys had anything to share on the topic. I didn't think it'd be worth it to make a thread about 'borrowing things'.

[alinamike]

I spend money to make me happy. Whether it's buying boring shit like food shopping, or extravagant stuff like a laptop, it makes me fucking happy! I get such a high from it but the lows are crushing. Am I the only one?

[manuel_moe_g]

Hi alinamike, welcome to our little forum!

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I am trying to stop buying stuff to manage my mood - it makes my wife so angry. My willpower is improving.

[ladysquid]

Uggggh I relate so hard to all of this.

I detest social networking yet I check all of my accounts CONSTANTLY. I tried deleting the apps from my phone but broke down and re-downloaded them barely a day later. Every day at work I login to Facebook and check it compulsively whenever my spreadsheets start boring me (which is like...every 15 minutes) Sometimes the news or cute puppy videos are interesting but usually I just end up hating everyone yet simultaneously desire their approval. When I rage out on a friend's feed that posted a news story I get such a rush from people "liking" my self righteous rant. These are friends of friends I don't even know...I just hate it. I feel so useless when I analyze it.

And don't get me started on Instagram. All my former coworkers, I worked in retail, most of them are now in fashion or working at super posh galleries in the city...I hate how skinny they all are, how much they go out and party, I especially hate their travel photos... It's literally the only connection I have to these people. I don't talk to them I just "like" their photos. One former coworker actually invited me to one of her gallery openings and I didn't go because I didn't feel like I was cool enough.

IS THIS MIDDLE SCHOOL? NOT COOL ENOUGH? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME? Aaaaagggh!

I say I want deeper friendships with people so why do I waste my time trying to keep connected with people I think are "more interesting" than me? I just feel so powerless to stop. I need to cut back, it's just a horrible compulsion.