Alcohol

[shanarchy]

Hi Oak,

Tomorrow, the 23rd, will be my 1st month sober!!!

[oak]

Sweet! High five sent over the internet.

Sober love and respect also sent!

[MizLzie]

WOO HOO! Way to go!

[shanarchy]

This is kind of an update.
I am 4.70 months sober today.
But I might be expecting a relapse tomorrow or the day after.

I had decided not to visit family because it is triggering for me.
I have told them many times that I am busy with college stuff this semester.
I had hoped that letting them know I'm busy would have implied that they can't come over to my place.

Well, today, my Dad called my Husband (not me, his daughter, wth!) to let him know that both my Mom and him would be staying over tomorrow at our place.
My dear Husband told them that we were going to be busy and that we had some appointments tomorrow (which we do, it is the truth!).
He said that it was okay because what he intended was to get Mom out of their house (he thinks she needs to get distracted by coming to visit us).

The hook he used was that since tomorrow night there's a boxing match and they very well know that we have the channel available and we usually watch these fights that they just want to come over to watch it with us.

Thanks to Paul's recent episode (mini), I finally understand what to call my parents; they are narcissists.
I don't know how to deal with their manipulations.
I used to drink or take pills when they came over.

I keep hearing in my head the chorus from Linkin Park's song Run Away:
"gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away".

I wish I was well already.
I wish I already knew how to handle this situation.

I'll do my best, but I'm not going to tear my hair off from anxiety. If I drink, I drink.
If all else fails, I'll start counting again on Monday.
If I relapse, then it's not the end of the world, but if it is the end of the world, then I'm glad I'll have one last drink.

[oak]

First up, hello.

Second up, this situation is not worthy of you drinking over. You have too much worth, which I am trying to say, however inelegantly.

Third, regarding them inviting themselves to stay over, and on short notice: no no no no no. IMHO both inviting oneself over and on short notice are faux pas of the order that one need not accept it. Just because they throw a ball at you doesn't mean you need to catch it.

Though I know little of your situation, it may be time for The Dutch Uncle Talk (dramatic music!). Yes, time to get everything that needs to be said out. To not leave anything unsaid, and to say all of what needs to be said. Oh, the likely tears and anguish they will offer you! (The kids today have an evocative and crass phrase, that is very descriptive: when these tough talks are had, often one party will act "butthurt".)

It may be time to crack some eggs to make an omelet of a sober future for yourself, a future that helps your parents! Boundaries. They'll be grateful in the long run, even though they may be vocally butthurt in the short term.

(Of course, I recognize that it is easier for me to suggest such a Dutch Uncle talk than it is for you to initiate!)

btw, instead of picking up a drink, pick up your phone or computer mouse and pm me.

You need not drink.

Full disclosure: as a straightedge man rather than an AA man, even I recognize that the first drink isn't going to take you anywhere good.

[shanarchy]

Hi Oak!
Thank you so much for your reply!

I had read your post on Friday and I have to thank you for your support and your kind words.

I'm glad to say I did NOT drink.

Thanks to you and to my support group from AA which I saw on Saturday evening, you all gave me the love I needed to stay sober.

The story regarding my parents is complicated.
There are too many details that are actually irrelevant when it comes to me getting better and living one day at a time.

They are my family, but I have friends whom I care about and they care about me; some I know and see face-to-face and others I share with through this awesome cybernetic world.

I hope there will be a time when I do have The Dutch Uncle Talk (with dramatic background music and all ), but I just don't feel the time is right.
Maybe I need to stay sober a little longer and get tougher/stronger.

Still, your words are wise indeed.
Thank you for being part of the forum and for replying to me when I have needed to know someone is out there watching my back.

[oak]

Yay!

[Jay Dub]

I recently stopped drinking as well. I am only two weeks sober and we have to go to my neighbors Christmas party Saturday night. My wife is going to watch me and I have told her to get ugly with me if she has to. I plan on telling my neighbors I have quit due to a drinking problem so hopefully with that safety net and some watchful eyes, two of whom are nurses, I can make it through this trial and come out stronger on the other side.

[iwishicould]

So I guess at this point I admit I am alcoholic. I drink everyday but not until my kids get home from school. I work all day and on the weekend but as soon as I know I don't have to go anywhere I can drink for forever. I have tried to stop but end up waking in the sweats. Still not comfortable with going to meetings.

[oak]

@Jay Dub: Congratulations on your two weeks.

@I Wish: I hope you find the peace and healing you are looking for. While lots of people get sober by going to meetings, lots of people (including me, 6.5 years today!) enjoy sobriety without going to meetings.

Sobriety is big enough for all sorts of people, each to enjoy sobriety in their own way.

So there is definitely hope. Definitely.