YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Adderall is the worst drug I've ever used. This is a huge statement as I have tried cocaine, heroin, crystal meth, speed, exstacy, everything. Nothing can get me as high (or as happy) as Adderall.

I have a prescription for it so that makes it even worse. I took 30 20 mg pills in about 4 days (maybe less). Today is day 3 of no pills and I'm not feeling hot.

The worst part. I'm a mom.

But, after reading some previous posts, Im going to talk to my doctor about taking away that script as I don't think I could ever have it in the house and not binge on it. I love the feeling I get when I'm on it. I'm a better mom, wife, etc. Everyone tells me how happy I look and how great I'm being.

But, when I'm not on it, I'm just the same old me. I guess I have to stay off of it long enough to know me again. I see a therapist every weekend as well so that helps. I haven't told her about it though.

Lastly, I have a terrible leg problem where I can't walk properly. I'm confined to lying down most of the day. Supposed to have surgery next month and then there will be 6 more weeks of down time. It's so hard to have that down time when you're a mom.

So today, I'm saying again: no more adderall. I will take my pills as prescribed and get through this awful withdrawal.....

Hi There-
Gee I can relate to all your concerns about Adderall. I have also done a lot of drugs in the past. More importantly, I have not had a drink in almost 20 years, but I still have those addictive tendencies. I was originally prescribed Adderall as an off label treatment for depression. Additionally, and more importantly, the med was used to help me get a life after having to take over a year of sick leave due to the exhaustion caused by fibromyalgia. I would not have been able to work till retirement age if not for the Adderall. I would have had to go thru all the hoop jumping to get disability. So I am still on it. And it works for me so fuck everyone who says, "I could never take Adderall with a smug satisfaction. I wonder if they would be so smug if they were in bed all day, ranging from more than half of my days to maybe once or twice a week. Do I care what the drug does to my body etc. It makes my life meaningful bc Adderall gives me the energy to do all the things we have to do to live a full life. If I die earlier bc of taking Adderall, I know I had a full life.

I hate the shame around this med. So much judgment. I have told only a couple of people. BTW--I have never increased the amount I take.

I hope you can find a grain of truth here.
~Tracy

I have such a love-hate relationship with Adderall! I'm prescribed 10mg TID - I usually keep it to 20mgs a day. The problem (and scary part) is when I don't take it - and I try not to take it everyday - I have no discernible personality. Not only no personality but I don't feel good - like a low grade illness. I've also tried and used many, many drugs - legal and illegal, and Adderall is hands down the hardest to quit. I have very mixed feelings about quitting - I think about when I first started taking SSRI's - it changed my life - I finished graduate school, got married, had children, got divorced, got a decent job - and although therapy played a big role - none of those would have been possible without the SSRI's. Now I think the Adderall, despite being horribly addictive, allows me to be productive, energetic, engaged. Does that sound like a big rationalization? I guess cocaine would do the same - but not really because that always made me almost instantly depressed - thank god I didn't love it enough to keep doing it.
Good luck! Let us know how it turns out! It's getting harder and harder to get (usually have to go to multiple pharmacies before I find it) and it there's a zombie takeover - well, it won't matter because I'll be off my Prozac and Wellbutrin and such a dullard I'll be the first to get bitten!

I take 10 mg extended release in the morning & 5 mg later in the day, usually around noon or 1:pm. I have never tried instant release, I am 100% sure that if there is a euphoric high that accompanies instant release, I would constantly chase that high. I've tried several combinations of extended release ranging from 5mg once a day to 25 mg once a day. 25mg after about a year lead to paranoiad thinking. I started tapering down & I found that, for now, this combination keeps me fairly productive. The 10mg in the morning, alone, used to crash at about 3 or 4. But taking an additional 5mg in the early afternoon has me steady until it's near bed time, which, for now, is just right.

Question for other ADD'ers here:
Have you folks experimented with different Instant Release & Extended Release & MG amounts & frequencies to find combinations that seem to work right?
If so, what Rx have you found to work best for you?

Thanks in Advance, -WagonRider