YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Although, it's not surprising. What narcissist would admit to having a mental illness?

You are correct. No narcissist would admit to it, even less, seek out a forum to write about it. They can't even see it in themselves. They say there is no cure for it. I have two narcissists that stand out in my mind. One I dated. In fact, she was my first love. When you are very, very, young, you don't have the tools to identify one.

I fell in love with her as a young boy (9 years old). She broke up with me when I was 13. Then we dated a little in high school (only a few dates), and still kept in contact. I would go back and forth thinking "She still likes me" and "what the hell?". I couldn't figure it out. We med in our 40's and had an affair. It was then that I was mature enought to understand what she was. It was still hard, but I got over here and understood what had happened to me way back in high school.

I can recognize a narcissist pretty easily these days, and I stay away from them if I can (sometimes in the work environment, you have to work with them). They say, it mostly occurs in males, but there are plenty of females with it too.

The second experience that stands out for me was a boss I had. He wouldn't laugh at other peoples jokes, even really good ones. That stood out to me, but I don't think too many other people noticed. He loved to be the center of attention, and have his ego stroked. He put other people down behind their backs. He was so fake it would make you sick. He tried to act like a caring person, but he was a cold, calculating monster who wanted to be coddled like a spoiled child.

There is a little narcissism in all of us, but when its extreme, you can easily recognize it. I'm sure I can think of others whom I've known (maybe even dated...my personality is a sucker for a narcissist), but these two cases stand out as being the most extreme I've personally been involved with because they caused me the most stress and pain. I would suggest people learn to recognize this behavior in order to avoid getting close to someone like this, or to help them escape the spell they might be under in a toxic relationship.

No longer prey (I hope) for other Narcississts.
InMyMind

That iz funny. But I'll bet there are all manner of narcissists including mostly realistic ones who see their own flaws.
Narcissist? Hmm. Who DOESN'T think precisely of themselves the vast majority of the time? I know everyone is the center of the universe, to themselves at least. It's ones JOB as the top mammal round the globe. Survive. Stay alive. Have friends. Try to have kids. Are "narcissists"...are they just less group minded? Everyone is constantly writing their own story and it's selfish as hell but it's also filled with joy and kindness that is in its forgivable way another form of selfishness in action.

I, too, seem to attract narcissists and have had close encounters with at least 3 in my life. They would probably be flattered that I will never forget them, either! The story told above about the boss who never laughs at others jokes is about spot on as you can get with a narcissist, with the exception of those who have taught themselves well enough how to mimic normal people. Once you have experience with a few you will pick up the tell tale signs pretty quickly and if you are smart you keep a low profile.

I hate my narcissism. But my mental breakdown at age 25 put a big damper on all that! Very little time for narcissism when the airplane is falling out of the sky!

I'm enjoying this conversation and chiming in with some tiny thoughts/observations.

It seems like a very difficult thing to self-diagnose, certainly. I am on the lookout all the time for narcissistic tendencies (may have had it flare up major just recently in fact) as I feel I'm at a bit of "risk factor" for it as a result of narcissism in my family relationships. I'm of the opinion that, lacking good role models demonstrating balance, we just get super-confused as to what appropriate levels of self-sacrifice and self-love actually look and feel like.

SC

well the good news is I must not be a narcissist because I totally hunt down every forum that might help me!

Hey Moe, I never would have pegged you as a narcissists based on your posts in this forum. You seem like a genuinely caring, concerned, and likable person.

Obviously this thread’s gotten cold, but as I’ve read many of the posts on narcissism here, I hope folks also realize it’s often a co-morbid or closely related trait of Borderline Personality Disorder. Narcissism is often noticed in men with BPD, whereas ‘Histrionic PD’ is usually associated with women with BPD. I believe they’re all 3 ‘Cluster B’ disorders and often intertwined.

My point is, after discovering or determining N(narcissistic)PD, dig a bit deeper and you’ll likely find the base disorder of BPD.

I don't know if it's necessarily true that no narcissist would admit to being one, although I really wish it were true because that would mean I'm not one. I spent the bulk of yesterday reading articles about narcissism and taking (and scoring high on) "are you a narcissist" quizzes, and I'm afraid that that level of navel-gazing is, in and of itself, a sign of narcissism. I could go on, but I'm trying not to talk about myself so much . . .