YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

This mini episode rang a huge bell for me. Now I have a diagnosis for my selfish sMother.

I had a 'holy sh*t' moment when I listened to the episode with this article. My dad is SUCH a narcissist and my mother really is a co-narcissist (after having been raised in a household where abusive alcoholism was rampant). I also figured out that my mother has been trying to train me to be a co-narcissist to my dad's issues by telling me to be patient with him when he's throwing a tantrum or pouting, etc. I knew something was wrong but could never put my finger on it. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't just accept my dad's attitude like my mom and how I was so fed up. Then, ding ding ding! This article! Wow! My poor mother, stuck in this cycle of abuse; she has no idea. *sigh*

I was really interested to hear Paul talk about co-narcissism as well. I believe my mother is extremely narcissistic and I grew up co-narcissistic. I can't recall if my dad flipped one way or the other but I don't think so. He just seemed to grin and bear it. It's only taking me countless years of antidepressant drugs, shrinks and being in emotional pain and having a complete lack of friends around me to realise a lot of my behaviour is self taught and can be modified. Sucks I'm 36 and still haven't worked my issues out but at least I'm starting the journey. I think I need a good councillor and some group therapy for social anxiety..

Hi This is my first post here. I have just discovered MIHH and listen to a podcast a day (a bit obsessed). I have been really struck by the article too, I listened to that podcast twice and then found this, really useful to be able to read it too. So thank you for posting it. I am 50 and it has taken me this long to work out why my relationship with my mother is so difficult. I am depressed and taking ADs, also started having therapy and hope to work some stuff out. My mother was not nearly as abusive as your fathers clearly were, but I am learning (from the podcast and from my therapist) that to understand myself and the way I behave and respond to others, I need to understand how I felt as a child. I hope that this will help me to deal with some of the issues I'm facing at the moment. So thanks again.

I just finally got the chance to listen to this episode. The article resonated with me, as a co-narcissist dealing with a narcissistic mother my entire life. I had realized in the past that she was narcissistic, but never realized just exactly how much of an impact that had on me. I haven't been to see my therapist in 2 years because I've been unemployed with no insurance, but I have had several large life changes recently, so it is time to go back and chat with her. I'm planning on bringing this article with me, so we can talk about it.

I never thought of my mother as narcissistic before the mini episode. It was all about her but because she portrays herself as a victim, I would never have thought of her as being even self-centered. What a prospective shift I've undergone in a few short months.

I am feeling especially grateful for this article and episode tonight. Our family was gathered this weekend for my father's memorial service. My mother has been especially trying for me to deal with, and this article helps me see her behavior for what it is and to keep me from shouldering all the blame.

Mother has both narcissistic and borderline features, and I find it very difficult to comprehend her behavior. But this article has been a huge help. At the end of the day, I don't need to diagnose her -- I just need to avoid being ugly to her and to be kind to myself.

So, many thanks to Paul Gilmartin for sharing this.