Getting 'Happy'

[Jose]

I'm at a great time in my life right now and I feel really optimistic. However, on a daily basis I find it really hard to become an enthusiast for myself, to get excited about the oppurtunities I have. Through some devilish trickery of the mind, I always manage to get down on myself at some point in the day, to think "I should be doing better" and kind of neglect all of the acomplishments I've already made. I think it's my depression testing me, to see if I've got what it takes. I seem to beat it everytime but never seem to be able to revel in the victory. Without being too specific, I've really felt like I've made some great advances in my life at this point, but I still feel a tinge of regret for not being 'fully adult' in terms of supporting myself, living on my own, having a relationship, etc... I see no reason to doubt myself, but these thoughts come and go everyday that I'm just not living up to everyone else's standards of what a person my age should be. I have a lot of backlash toward that perception of a person being 'accomplished' because they hold a steady job, have money, and are in a relationship. It makes me think people are jaded about what it really means to be alive.. Forgive me for being too dramatic in all of this, I'm just finding it really hard to make a connection with anyone lately. I keep to myself a lot by choice, but whenever I reach out to my friends they never seem to want to deal with me. I'm just really sick of being stuck in this place that I grew up and knowing all my friends for 20 years but not really 'liking' them. It just feels like we were forced into being friends, you know? I know that life is a struggle and you can't expect to get everything that you ask for, but at this moment, I'm really disappointed in the people who I thought were closest to me, that I could rely on, and just go to if I wanted to talk. That's why I came here, because these days it seems like I get more gratification out of talking to complete strangers than anyone else. Thanks for listening.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Jose! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I am trying to learn to have more faith in just "moving forward" than relying on my old self-absorbed "how do I feel about where I am at". You are getting good results in many places in your life, so that is more than enough to place more faith in just "moving forward" and letting the nagging feelings drift away, because you are probably going to improve _all_ aspects of your life with your gain in effectiveness.

Please take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[MizLzie]

Hi Jose,

I relate to nearly every single word you wrote. I find myself slipping into those same thoughts. I then remind myself that it's all perception and societal expectations to bring me back to an acceptance of where I am in life who and I am as a person. I get really frustrated when people say things like, "don't worry, you'll find someone". I'M NOT WORRIED! AT ALL! I am confident in my value as a person without having it tied to a partner. I'm pretty sure that being single since October + not getting sick are directly related. My solo life means less germs!

I have a lot of issues regarding friendships and it's only been the last couple of years, particularly the last couple of months that I've started to see who will truly be there for me. I've opened up to people I wasn't expecting to and found an amazing friend(s) as a result. I'm so tired of living a surface life with people, that I've put a lot of "friends" into the "acquaintance" category. Sure we can have fun together, but who was there, without question when I was dealing with unemployment, suicide in the family, emotional upheaval? I'm grateful for the few people I can share my dark thoughts with (well the ones I feel comfortable sharing) and I vow to be there for them in return.

I think those of us who venture down these roads in our heads have a unique ability to see light & sparkle, when others don't. And by that I mean, those who are happy living on the surface may see some brightness, but those of us who have fallen down deep, can see so much more. And it's those people I find I connect with. I simply can't relate to someone who doesn't acknowledge/experience that life can fucking suck sometimes, but oh, when it's good - it is grand.

Wishing you the best in your journey and if you have anything you want to talk about, you can always PM me.

[faarizamar]

I think Restless Legs Syndrome suffers from the same problem as Chronic Fatigue and Generalized Anxiety Disorder: bad name. You don't get sympathy because people hear the name and think, "so you're just tired? You need to move your legs? So what?" What ever possessed people to give ailments such names? Of course it sounds made up!