100% Agreement

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IdentityPoltergeist
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Joined: September 18th, 2014, 5:05 am

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by IdentityPoltergeist »

I'm really shocked that your group facilitators are catering so much to this other member (which isn't actually helping her) and dismissing your needs and even asking you to be the sacrificial lamb to her problems. That isn't okay.

If this is still continuing, I wouldn't suggest going to this particular group anymore. You Shouldn't be coming away feeling worse every session. You can have compassion for this other person without being a martyr for her. That isn't your responsibility. I am angry FOR you.

Your last post suggests that maybe you are feeling better about these sessions and if that is the case keep going. But if it's not and what you are really getting out of this is a reason to get out of the house and a sense of belonging, perhaps another support group, a MeetUp or other social group would work for you as an alternative.

You sound like an incredibly strong person. As such, I'm not surprised that you would become annoyed by people with relatively small problems who can't seem to deal or just want attention. Their experience did not prepare them for these issues, which seem miniscule as a flea bite in your experience. All I can say about that is to try to understand where they are coming from. Try to see your pain and experience as a privilege these people never had to suffer and this never had the advantage of learning from. What can roll off your back might be a catastrophe to another person. I think it was the podcast episode with Karma where she talks about how her trauma gave her this advantage that prepared her and her sister to survive under dire circumstances. Maybe that's why I'm thinking about this right now. Not at all trying to diminish your pain, but trying to encourage you to take pride in it (which it sounds like you have) and feel pity for those who don't have that. It's twisted, I know :D.

Sorry this is long. It really enraged me to see how horribly your feelings and needs were addressed. You have every right to be angry!
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." -- Oscar Wilde
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ghughes1980
Posts: 299
Joined: December 31st, 2012, 1:15 pm
Gender: male
Issues: Physical disability, mental disability, depression, anxiety, PTSD
preferred pronoun: He
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by ghughes1980 »

There was a stretch in August where the person wasn't attending and it made for a really calm group. It was nice. What I've noticed since they've been back is the amount of group participation from them has gone down. He/she isn't piping up as much with nonsense. Or they just leave after lunch and don't participate at all. Which I guess works. I'll be attending a bit less in favour of one on one therapy on Tuesday afternoons anyway so it will balance out for both of us.
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ghughes1980
Posts: 299
Joined: December 31st, 2012, 1:15 pm
Gender: male
Issues: Physical disability, mental disability, depression, anxiety, PTSD
preferred pronoun: He
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by ghughes1980 »

My first session in one on one therapy with a new doctoral student was Tuesday afternoon. We dived in to what's going on. We did some paperwork and he seems like a good fit. I have 2 forms to hand back to the office later today and the whole process starts rolling next week. I found it quite easy to put forth my ideas of what's happening and how I feel so that's good. Whether there are any real solutions other than temporary ones I'll have to see. I think I was able to put forth exactly what I see as the major issues in the time we had. I really want to get this hopelessness/futility monkey off my back. It's been a long time and I'm really tired of it.

Group is getting quieter which is odd, everyone seems a bit foggy including myself. Might it be a bit of seasonal affective stuff? Dunno but everyone seems drained and quiet. If we did mindfulness exercises every day I'd be happy, we did some last week and they seems to calm me down. A couple of the newer arrivals are really nice people and I have a much easier time when they are around. The "person" I have mentioned previously is still railing on the staff and the people who live in the group home but is no longer projecting as much onto us or me personally so that's good. He/She has begun to identify the people in their real life as the sources by name so that's a start right? (I hope I've kept their anonymity safe I really had to edit this paragraph.)

I would again like to encourage people to check with their local university or college's student services department for low/no cost talk therapy. These students need the work experience and are willing to help you.
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ghughes1980
Posts: 299
Joined: December 31st, 2012, 1:15 pm
Gender: male
Issues: Physical disability, mental disability, depression, anxiety, PTSD
preferred pronoun: He
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by ghughes1980 »

I fucking hate myself today. I really need to vent here so you can stop reading this now if you like. I'm going to just rant and babble so be warned.

I havent been sleeping (oh yeah thats a real news flash right? Oh joy here I go bitching about that again! Broken record I know.) I had therapy this afternoon and dug pretty deep into some trauma and it's still raw. I then proceeded to dump some of that on Facebook to someone just making a joke and that in turn makes me feel like a giant pile of shit. I back peddled and tried to defuse my nonsense of course which makes me feel like a total asshole. Now I sit on my bed brooding on all this shit like a putz when I should be sleeping or at least trying to. So much for turning off electronics before 9:00pm. Which really ticks me off! I outline a simple fucking goal and these bullshit guilt thoughts derail me again! What the hell am I doing? Other than completely ignoring my own self care routine just to torture myself? This is bullshit! Go to bed you daft mother fucker! Stop hurting yourself in hopes of feeling better by trashing your life!

I know I'm not going to sleep now, great job of winding down dumb ass! I fucking hate this shit! I'm going to feel even worse when I have to be up and about in 7 hours. All for what? A support group at 10am where the big plan for the day is to cook a meal. Oh asscrackers I'm in charge of that too. This is going to be a serious cluster fuck and here comes the catastrophizing. :violin:
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ghughes1980
Posts: 299
Joined: December 31st, 2012, 1:15 pm
Gender: male
Issues: Physical disability, mental disability, depression, anxiety, PTSD
preferred pronoun: He
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by ghughes1980 »

Over the past month or two I've been doing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy along with Compassion Focused Therapy. Has anyone else had experience with these styles? How has it worked for you? I'm finding it very hard since my whole 34 years on the Earth has been beating myself up even for little things. I have been working to alter my attitudes toward traumatic experiences by integrating these styles and that seems to be the hardest part. Reliving these memories is hard enough then I'm supposed to spin them and add positive aspects to make them less traumatic? This is really intense.
User avatar
ghughes1980
Posts: 299
Joined: December 31st, 2012, 1:15 pm
Gender: male
Issues: Physical disability, mental disability, depression, anxiety, PTSD
preferred pronoun: He
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Re: 100% Agreement

Post by ghughes1980 »

As the Holiday break comes, so does a break from weekly therapy until mid January. How do others deal with this lack of professional support? I usually have a period of falling back to old patterns then a month of wasted sessions trying to get back to where I left off. Which must really frustrate therapists. My 3X/week sessions in group will be affected to but I don't know to what degree yet. Which leaves me with too much idle time.
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