Estrangement from parents: process, ongoing.

[oak]

Hi friends.

For reasons that I don't care to share right now (too fresh/painful), the needle is moving towards estrangement from my parents. (The needle is certainly not moving towards a whole, mature, kind, new relationship with my parents.)

If this will happen, how it will happen, or what the new normal will look like, I don't know.

I do know that the relationship with my parents is either extremely damaged or non-existent.

I will post here in the future. It is important, and helpful, for me to use my words because doing so changes toxic, old thoughts into new words, visible on the reality of my screen here.

For today, this is enough to say, and I am Enough.

Thank you for listening.

[brownblob]

We must take care of ourselves. I encourage you to do whatever is best for you in the long run.

[rivergirl]

You always have my support, Oak.

Take care,

rivergirl

[oak]

Thank you for your encouagement, Brownblob and Rivergirl.

If I may bookend:

I am about to have a conversation with my parents that will go a long way to determining the future, including if I'll have a relationship with them.

I feel scared. I feel excitement knowing that getting to a denouement will bring clarity.

Frankly, considering the challenges I am facing in my life I can't afford to be arguing with my parents. I don't have time for negativity.

I'll bookend here after the conversation.

-----

Edit:

I had the conversation, and it went well.

Besides clearing the air for some important topics, this gives me one less crisis to worry about. I have a number of other pressing issues, some very important one. Happily now sturm und drang with my parents is now not one of them. I hope to use this reclaimed positive emotional space and energy to positive ends.

I am relieved. Once again, using my words, in a direct, plain, and kind way has worked out.

Thanks for listening.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Since there doesn't seem to be a thread focused on Estrangement, I thought I'd post this here.

There's a 3-parter on the subject from National Public Radio that should be worth a listen -

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/estrangement-series-trailer-death-sex-money

(The estrangement I've had was from some of the members of that religious group many years ago. Needed to do it to clear my head and move forward, without constantly retreading old ground in conversations).

[oak]

1. Thank you for the recommendation, SnoringDog! I’ll give the series a try as I recover from my root canal (see below).

2. Friends, having forgotten all about this thread, I am surprised I was already considering estrangement four years before it happened.

3. An estrangement is much like a root canal:

Things can look healthy and whole from the outside, but be dead and filled with rotting detritus inside.

One can endure the dull, throbbing pain of a dead tooth or broken family, until they can’t.

Then, they choose the initially more-painful, active intervention: the inner rot has to be opened up, excavated, and rinsed out. This is much more painful in the short term, but prevents the infection from getting to one’s brain and heart.