Re: Sixteen pages to be delivered to my Mother on 03/28
Posted: May 22nd, 2014, 2:25 am
My mother is the same way!! For my whole life, and even now, whenever I was upset or angry, my mother would tell me I was just tired. I spent my first 35 years taking a nap whenever I got angry. I still sometimes think that I am 'just tired' when I am angry or sad. Then I stop and take a breath and really listen to what I am feeling.
I can understand your sadness at getting one sentence back from all of your efforts. You put all of that time and effort into exposing your tender spots and she couldn't do the same in return. My parents are the same way. I have come to reailze, through therapy of course, that they just don't have it to give. Sure it makes me really mad some days but I can't make them do anything or be anything other than who they are. It seems like your mother is not being the mother that you need and that is a sad and lonely thing. We all want nurturing and caring parents.
Can you ask your husband for a little more nurturing? Can you ask him to do something small and meaningful to help you feel nurtured? Please remember that HE CHOSE YOU! You are not tagging along in his life. He wants you by his side to share his life with. Out of 6.5 billion people in the world, he picked you. He thinks you are that special. Lucky you.
I think we have to nurture ourselves (I learned that in therapy too). We have to give ourselves love and caring and be good to ourselves every day. I nurture myself by taking time every day to paint. If I don't have the time for that, I take the time to watch the sunset or pat my dog for a while. It is the little things that we do for ourselves that help us to feel nurtured and more human.
Please remember that it is not you it is her. You are evolved enough to know what you need and ask for it. She my not have that skill. It is not your responsibility to take care of her. You must live your own life in the way that is best for you. She is an adult. She is responsible for herself. It is ok to take some time away from your mother to heal yourself and find out who you are. Later, when you are feeling stronger, you may want to reach out to her (or not).
Thanks for the topic. It helps to share. I hope you are well and above all, be good to yourself. You deserve it. Lilac
I can understand your sadness at getting one sentence back from all of your efforts. You put all of that time and effort into exposing your tender spots and she couldn't do the same in return. My parents are the same way. I have come to reailze, through therapy of course, that they just don't have it to give. Sure it makes me really mad some days but I can't make them do anything or be anything other than who they are. It seems like your mother is not being the mother that you need and that is a sad and lonely thing. We all want nurturing and caring parents.
Can you ask your husband for a little more nurturing? Can you ask him to do something small and meaningful to help you feel nurtured? Please remember that HE CHOSE YOU! You are not tagging along in his life. He wants you by his side to share his life with. Out of 6.5 billion people in the world, he picked you. He thinks you are that special. Lucky you.
I think we have to nurture ourselves (I learned that in therapy too). We have to give ourselves love and caring and be good to ourselves every day. I nurture myself by taking time every day to paint. If I don't have the time for that, I take the time to watch the sunset or pat my dog for a while. It is the little things that we do for ourselves that help us to feel nurtured and more human.
Please remember that it is not you it is her. You are evolved enough to know what you need and ask for it. She my not have that skill. It is not your responsibility to take care of her. You must live your own life in the way that is best for you. She is an adult. She is responsible for herself. It is ok to take some time away from your mother to heal yourself and find out who you are. Later, when you are feeling stronger, you may want to reach out to her (or not).
Thanks for the topic. It helps to share. I hope you are well and above all, be good to yourself. You deserve it. Lilac