Thanksgiving sibling seethings: religion/politics/class.

[oak]

May I get this off my chest?

(I've listed how true each of my statements are, being objective.)

One of my siblings, who needs to be taken down a peg in life (probably true, but not my place), will make me seethe at the dinner table (likely true).

While I get along great with 2 of my 5 immediate family members (true!), there are deep, barely concealed fissures of unsaid angry words with the other three. Of course, this anger is tied up in religion (fairly true), politics (maybe true), and money/class (certainly true).

They refuse to see me as a whole person (fairly true, but probably unfairly harsh to them), mainly because I was working poor for ten years and still live paycheck to paycheck (true in my POV, but I'm sure they'd disagree, and not without justification).

I am partly responsible for these broken relationships (certainly true).

While I am usually all about using my words (true), and I am going to stuff all those feelings down for one day and not say a word.

I'll post here after said holiday emotionapocalypse.

[cpa85]

I know every situation is different, but in recent years I've found myself routinely getting a bit worked up about the prospect of heated political disagreements at family holiday gatherings only to find that the subject of politics itself almost never even comes up at all, let alone creates a big scene.

Not a huge help, but at least hold on to the possibility that it might not even be discussed.

[brownblob]

Best of luck with Turkeypocalypse 2017. I don't enjoy family get togethers either. Luckily, in my family we don't get into heated arguments. I am just kind of an outsider in my own family. I feel like I don't belong. I tend to just sit quietly and endure. I know I am only there because I am related not because anyone really wants to see me.
Anyway, Oak, I think you're a good person and I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you.

[rivergirl]

Hang in there tomorrow, Oak & Brownblob.

And if you're in a state of mind where you're still capable of a smile, I recommend watching SNL's commercial about going to Target to avoid your family on Thanksgiving:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnzRFyOMD4U

[brownblob]

I like the video Rivergirl. It's sad, because I've spent days like that. Not on Thanksgiving but I've had days like that. I remember a Christmas where I spent several hours in a gas station parking lot reading a book.

[rivergirl]

Hey brownblob,
I was afraid maybe I sounded too flippant. I understand wanting to avoid family on holidays and feeling like you don't fit in.

I think Oak's plan is wise. Trying to resolve any issues with family on holidays is probably futile and likely to be painful.

I'll be at my brother's today to celebrate Thanksgiving and plan to keep things low key to avoid the confrontation that happened last time we had a family get together there. My family says they are also celebrating my birthday, but it's hard for me to feel like celebrating anything right now, especially myself.

I hope everyone has a day that is at least peaceful. Let us know how things go, Oak.

rivergirl

[oak]

Thanks, everyone, for your posts.

I very much enjoyed the SNL skit: many a truth is spoken in jest.

Update: everything went great. Everyone played nice, was "normal". I even got a chance to get out early and play Pokemon Go.

The cold and dark of winter sharpens and focuses my mind, so I've often used Thanksgiving as a chance to have my own personal new years. Today was probably near the end of me consuming meat and pop, but we'll leave that for later.

Generally, it went well! Thanks for letting me use my words.

[rivergirl]

I'm glad to hear that it went well enough for you, Oak. Happy "new year".

[cpa85]

ditto