YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello, I figured I'd write something on here because I don't know where else to turn. Recently I have been having a terrible amount of trouble with my brother who also lives with me and my mom. For the past few weeks he has been given to extreme fits of rage, cussing and insulting me and my mom for no rational reason. He has said he never wants to see me again, and told my mom that because she doesn't stand up for him he doesn't want to see her again either. Today he said he's going to move out and hopes we lose our house because we won't be able to pay the mortgage. My mom is severely codependent and is unable to create consequences for him or defend herself against him. I have tried my best to do this for her but the situation has gotten out of hand. Yesterday I changed the password on our internet so he wouldn't be able to use it. I pay for the internet and felt I was within my rights to do that, but he flew into a rage and manipulated my mom into giving him the new password. Now I'm left being furious at my brother for his cruel behavior and frustrated with my mom for allowing it. I don't expect an answer to this problem, but has anyone else had an experience similar to this and has some advice? I really feel trapped and don't know to do.

Ian

Hi Ian-
Man, that sounds like a shitty situation. I have been at wit's end with my brother for years, but that's a very different miserable dynamic. It prompted me to read your post though! Please guard yourself against the idea that you can change anyone in your family. If i read your post right, you are understandably very frustrated with your mom & brother. Sounds like there is a LOT of hurting going on there. And i'll bet that hurting has very little to do with you. Is there is any way you all can get a little space from each other? That might be the best thing for you right now. You identify in your profile as disabled, but I don't know how that affects your choices. If you really are physically stuck there, maybe you can look for healthy ways to distance/protect yourself mentally? I know it sounds like a longshot, but please remember that the brain has plasticity. If you pursue a new thought long enough, it will sink into your skin, and then you won't need as much....

I am frustrated with my mom, but I love her deeply. I wish she would learn to stand up for herself, but I know there's not much I can do about that. Right now I'm at my girlfriend's house for a week, I really had to get away from my house and my brother. He's going to move out in January and then me and my mom can finally have some peace. My brother has even been violent a couple of times, threatening to break every bone in my body and send me to the hospital. I don't feel safe in my house anymore, and the other night I had a panic attack. My disability is primarily bi-polar disorder, but it's pretty well managed with my medication. This is just an impossible situation with him, I think the stress is killing my mom too. I suspect my brother is a sociopath, he seems to lack basic empathy and compassion. The worst thing though is he has convinced his friends that he's something close to a saint. But Ted Bundy was able to convince people he was a nice guy too. I appreciate your response to my post, it gave me something to think about.

Ian