YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

This isn't really family related but it's the closest forum I could find. I live with two roommates. My best friend, who I've known for years, and who is like a sister to me (her family practically adopted me when I escaped my own family), and her husband. A british/chinese immigrant who is a snob and an ass. My friend has been talking about divorcing him for a long time and is now ready to do it.

Here's where things went off the rails. He had to go home to China to settle some family stuff. He'll be gone for two weeks.

What my best friend has decided to do is fly in a guy who she's been talking to online with and they're hooking up for 5 days. He got here this morning. I am extremely uncomfortable. I should mention I also have bad social anxiety. On one hand it's a good thing because I've already pretty much just moved into my bedroom and have no problem staying in here for the next five days. In fact, I've isolated myself so much I have no one to talk to about this. The only people I could mention it to are mutual friends. I do work long hours, so I will not be here much as well.

But damn. I also feel like a huge piece of shit because even though her husband is a dick, I don't like what's going on. I have expressed that to her. I am not at all comfortable or happy about this. I'm not sure if shes' doing this so he can find out and then he'll want to divorce her so she won't have to start a confrontation, or what. I'm just baffled, completely exhausted, a ball of anxiety and depression, and entirely alone. I just had to say something to someone.

Read your post. That is a difficult situation you describe. Please be loving to yourself, as much as you can. Take care.

Thanks. I'm trying. I'm mainly just working, and thankfully they're spending their evenings out. I think I'm mainly upset because she's made me into an accomplice. I can't tell him. I just have to get her to tell him. But I'm starting to think that she's doing this to get him to want to divorce her. I have a feeling she will act weird and guilty when he comes back and then confess it.

I think we're going to have to talk a lot after this guy goes home.

Not a fun situation. I would feel so uncomfortable not being able to control what might happen or prevent negative outcomes. Do your best to take care of you.

Hi Ben41,
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Has it gotten any better?

It's pretty common for people to end relationships this way. It isn't very humane, but some people don't seem to be able to make a clean break.

I just wanted to comment about you being an accomplice. I understand how you might feel that way, but it isn't really fair to you. You're more like an innocent bystander also being hurt by your friend's bad decision.

Hang in there,

rivergirl