YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm writing this from a hospital waiting room. I'm waiting to be admitted into the psych ward for suicidal ideation. I've managed to call my sister and brother and let them know I won't be home for the next 3 days. But I can't work up the courage to call my mother or father. To make matters worse it is my parents 32nd wedding anniversary today and I don't want to fucking ruin their whole day. What do I say? How can I tell them this when it is so humiliating and I'm terrified they will be angry and disappointed in me. What do I do? What do I say?

Hey.

I send a little encouragement: you felt a feeling, were honest with yourself, and reached out to others.

Your life is much more valuable than a wedding anniversary. Besides, there is no objective reality called "anniversary", but there is an objective reality called you. Your life is precious.

So much for philosophy.

If you still have your phone, I encourage you to call them directly yourself.

If the hospital has to call them, it will take the nurse a few seconds to get to the fact that you are alive. If you call them they'll know immediately that you are alive. They may fear that you are dead, in between the time the hospital staff person identifies themselves and states that you are okay. Also, privacy laws may prevent them from giving the whole story.

Your parents may as well hear it from you.

As far as "ruining" their day, it is a little late to worry about that. You are much more important than a day. Maybe an anniversary *should* be ruined when a life is at stake.

To end on a slightly happier note, perhaps you can look forward to their 33rd anniversary: think of all the healing you can pursue in the meantime.

Well, good luck. I hope you find some healing. Good for you for reaching out. I am proud of you.

What Oak wrote is awesome. Please take care, lawlessness45, because you deserve care. You have been very honest on the board, and I am positive you are taking steps to a positive outcome. I am proud of your, lawlessness45, that you took the steps to protect and love yourself.

I have been in a similar situation, the anger will pass, but you have to be straight with them, to find out you were hospitalized and didn't say anything will raise all kinds of issues with them, this coming from a parent.

You have a problem and you were brave enough and strong enough to know you couldn't go it alone and sought out the help you need to get healthy and live a long happy life. What is there to be humiliated about?
I see a brave soul willing to show pain, willing to be vulnerable, willing to drop the dangerous pretext of egos and be real.
I am proud of you for seeking help and if your parents give it any real thought and think about the alternative, they too will realize this is the better option than you not getting help because you were afraid of shame and humiliation.
Trust me, it is nothing like the pain and emotions and guilt and shame they would feel if you had acted on your suicide.

I hope the 3 days help you and that this time in the hospital gives you some space to breath and to build strength up further.
Sometimes our days can be awful and yet, all we need are moments of grace and beauty - warm hug, a flash of a hummingbird flying by. Life is moments. Whatever is going on, you don't have to battle the whole journey and burden or the rest of your life. That is overwhelming.
All you need to do is be in the moment and be present.
Your ability to be weak enough to ask for help was a strong thing to do and you clearly are a caring person.
We are all here for you.

lawlessness45 wrote:I'm writing this from a hospital waiting room. I'm waiting to be admitted into the psych ward for suicidal ideation. I've managed to call my sister and brother and let them know I won't be home for the next 3 days. But I can't work up the courage to call my mother or father. To make matters worse it is my parents 32nd wedding anniversary today and I don't want to fucking ruin their whole day. What do I say? How can I tell them this when it is so humiliating and I'm terrified they will be angry and disappointed in me. What do I do? What do I say?

You are a brave boy! Don't be fad up early. Please make your mind fresh. Forget to suicide. Relax and you'll be fine.

Just wanted to update you all. Things are all right. I'm slowly easing back into real life, and I go back to work tomorrow.Thank you all for your kind words. They have been helpful. I ended up talking to my family, (including my parents) and they were all surprisingly supportive. Its been a rough week, but I think things will get better. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and focus on the moment. I'm currently bunking with my brother and sister in law and just being around people has been tremendously helpful. Staying busy helps too, but I've got to learn to deal with the down time as well. I'm trying not to over load myself. I'll do my best, and having supportive friends and family is helpful. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

lawlessness45, I am so proud of you for doing the courageous thing and properly loving and caring for yourself. You rock!

Well done brave boy

Wish you all the very best