Moe's Diary

[manuel_moe_g]

Less important to be efficient, more important to be in an attitude of self-loving so I can stay on track from activity to activity, when my anxiety rises.

My wife yells at me for taking long showers, but my long shower this morning really loosened up my arthritic ankles, knees, and wrists. Maybe I have to bite the bullet and "Tiger Balm" them all.

I am scared of a project I was given at work. I will slowly write it out in my notebook. I now realize I work best by [1] moving slowly but steadily [2] getting feedback on every little step forward [3] breaking everything in small well defined steps. I have to redefine "failure" so that if I am always doing [1] [2] [3] I am working toward "success" no matter what the external outcome.

[kitkat]

If your showers help, then use them. Unless tiger balm is better..? I don't know what that is, haha.

Your working sounds very similar to how I have to! Slow and steady and I always need feedback. The most important part is to keep on it, even if it's little by litter. I've also been trying to redefine failure, so sending you some good vibes! We can do it! Success is trying our best.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks kitkat!

[manuel_moe_g]

Get it together, Moe. Time for a walk around the block. I feel sad and hollow. But I cannot do this at this time.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am having pretty good results from EMDR therapy to help me feel it is true when I say to myself "I am enough"

[manuel_moe_g]

Saw a blue bird while walking, taking two laps around block. Amazing.

[manuel_moe_g]

What it means to "be enough".

It means accepting myself as I really am.

It means I move forward without waiting for a bolt from the blue to magically make me a superior capable person.

It means letting go of defensiveness - I am enough, I am impervious from attack of the form "you are not enough"

[manuel_moe_g]

I am scared and I am not scared. I put one shaky foot in front of another, slowly.