Self-compassion

[manuel_moe_g]

I am working on self-compassion. In the past, I have had difficulty with self-compassion because compassion wasn't modeled for me by my parents - they either trivialized my pain or shamed me for feeling pain or only dealt with my pain only intellectually.

I also mistook self-compassion for self-pity. They are different because self-compassion leads to higher capability and resilience, and self-pity does not.

When I have a "mixed-up negative thought" I first allow myself to be compassionate to my self, and then, quickly, I see how I can grow my capability and resilience. This is working out pretty well.

Thank goodness that the rate of "mixed-up negative thoughts" has slowed down to where I can deal with them one at a time. Controlled breathing has helped a lot in this regard - when I notice a negative thought or my body posture shows that I am under the spell of a negative thought, I close eyes and control breathing, in through nose, out through mouth, slow and steady. I few weeks of this greatly slows down the rate of negative thoughts, for some reason.

[ladysquid]

I needed to read this. I struggle with the exact same thing. What's most difficult is letting the thought linger long enough to breath it out and be compassionate instead of the pattern of "I hate myself, I wish I would die...let me shove food into my face, drink wine, watch TV and do any and everything to avoid my feelings until they come back."

Glad to see this though, I hope this practice becomes easier for you and eventually becomes a habit.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks for commenting, ladysquid. If anything I said helps you be more self-compassionate, that is exciting and awesome, because you deserve love and acceptance and self-compassion.

[NotMeNotYou]

Just adding my support.... your words describe what I often feel. It's a daily struggle to show self-compassion, and show self-compassion for my own slow progress in learning self-compassion.

[Lilac]

I so wish that you lived closer to me. You strike me as a good person to talk to on those nightz when we can't sleep. Self compassion is so easy to talk about but so difficult to master. Why is it that we are so quick to belittle ourselves and yet so willing to give others the compassion that we need? Maybe we don't see the imperfections in others that we see in ourselves. Perhaps our own imperfections are illusions of our own brains. What is reality anyway? Is it what we lercieve to be true or what other see? Maybe a combination of the two?

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks for the complement, Lilac. I just wish my head wasn't always generating negative thoughts - it just doesn't allow me to be as effective as I wish to be. I may have to do weekly therapy for the rest of my life, to deconstruct the negative thoughts I generate during the week.

[Fargin]

Got the same negative thoughts on autopilot. I can't really stop them, so I'm practicing to acknowledging them, trying to allow positive thoughts to co-exist, while I still accept, that negativity and pessimism is a natural part of my thought process. I kind of understand, why I turned into this big ball of negativity and I try to be compassionate about it, but man... constant negative thinking takes up so much energy.

[Lilac]

MM...it seems as if those negative thoughts are like alien invaders. They sneak up on us and zap us when we least expect it. I know how you feel. I went for weeks without negative thoughts and then , Wham! The you suck thoughts came roaring back. Low self esteem thoughts. Not good enough thoughts. They are such jerks.

I wish I had a biodome to wrap us up in. A place where nasty thoughts were wrapped in a cosy blanket and that energy was transformed into love. All of our anger and fear was turned into love. Self love and love for others.

Ahhh... to dream, the impossible dream...