The worst roller coaster ride without money involved

[CardinalRose]

There's something to be said when you feel several different emotions all in the course of one day. From dreading to get your day started to laughing at the comedic podcast and then to feeling like the weight of the world rests on your shoulders and feeling like you're nobody's type because the guy you shared your picture with didn't return a compliment and then to feeling conflicted because a friend called you on working through your trauma without so much a place to start or supporting shoulder lean on. Now you're hear watching cops and adding up all your mistakes to the point where your life would be what you have been wanting it to be if those mistakes had been fixed. Addiction to food has been a roller coaster ride in itself from over eating to feeling guilty and then starving yourself the next day because you've lost interest in the satisfaction of food. Every month seems to be the same crap. Feeling strong and confident where you're flirting with random guys which lasts a few days and then you plummet into the worst hell ever of hating yourself, spacing out in time rethinking about your emotional trauma as child/teenager and then working your way back to riding the roller coaster to the top of the tracks viewing your problems with a clear third person view, but no way to leave the ride to go and take care of each problem separately. My thing is finding a way to take care of the problems so that the roller coaster depths and speed could be controlled by me only and not my duo team of chemical imbalance and hormones or since I'm already on the ride, finding a way to jam the gears so I can hop off to take care of the problems. All of this is speculation because I can barely pay my bills let alone pay for professional help so unless there's a miracle, the best answer will be at the mercy of my will power over emotional state.