YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have an entry-level white collar position.

From 2004 to 2015 I was working poor and in that time never went to: the doctor, dentist, dermatologist, eye doctor. I received no counsel from a nutritionist, financial advisor, lawyer, or accountant.

In early 2013 I had an awful, temporary third shift retail-reset position. With those meager earnings I was able to buy a basic smartphone, get my teeth cleaned at the local community college (how I wish I had known about this year earlier), and respectable-enough glasses at this "exam plus 2 glasses for $70" place. All three of these were critical in getting me to pass as a respectable-enough person to get hired as a temp at a nearby large, well-known institution. (After two years as a temp, I was offered my current, white collar position.)

I'll be posting here, as if a diary, in my efforts to feel worthy of care. (This is the main main point of this thread!)

Somehow I got it in my head, when I was working poor, that I was not worthy of professional care.

I used to think that an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) was just for really troubled people. Now I realize it is as much of my employment contract as anything else.

I always talk about "using my words". Now I am using my words to express my needs and desires, and using words to build relationships with professionals who can assist me. I'll post here, ongoing, about my experiences as I start to advocate for myself. I have certainly given greatly of myself to my employers; now I want my side of the contract.

Since December, through the EAP and (generally) advocating for myself, I have met with:

Personal counselor
Nutrition counselor
General practitioner
Dermatologist
Financial advisor

And I have appointments coming up with:

Dentist
Retirement advisor (financial side; age 40 is a fine time to start doing something)
Cardiology (per chest pain scare yesterday)
Legal

I am trying/looking into the EAP and general self-advocacy for:

Elder care (aging parents)
Fitness
Insurance

I'll post here, detailing my experiences as I start to advocate for myself. I'll also post about the outcomes; example, I registered for a 5K in two months. I can probably do 3K right now without difficultly, but I need to incrementally, gradually get those next 2K.

Really this is about me transitioning from a working-poverty mindset I developed to one of me being the kind of person who forsees, prevents, and mitigates problems.

Words cannot express how much you rock, Oak!

You always have my admiration.

Wow.

And that's how it's done.

Thanks Manuel Moe! I appreciate your encouragement.

You're a great guy.

Today in my efforts:

1. Having taken the day off, I confirmed upcoming appointments for legal advice, the dentist, an echocardiogram. I also made plans with an accountant to do my taxes, and I am planning to hear from my financial advisor.

2. Noticing that my dermatological surgery area is looking a bit off, I dithered for a moment before deciding to make a follow up appointment. The dermatologist isn't available the day I'm off next week, so I made an appointment with my primary care physician.

Making phone calls has always been difficult for me: I couldn't put a sentence together until I was 15 due to stuttering. I also have shame (see original post) about using my words to ask for the help I need. So calling one doctor, then the next, may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me.

Vignette, that gets to a larger point:

In the big institution I work at, I am competent in one little micro-area: I am a tiny cog, in a half-forgotten part of the machine, but an important part. No one knows my specialty as well as me. I am the person to come to for that, and it is all I do all day.

1. After my wonderful nutritionist told me to eat better, I decided right then to immediately implement whatever experts at their job suggested. Two examples:

a. I asked the friendly young man at the deli counter what deli meats active, fit people buy. He said that they mostly bought whole,raw turkey breasts, and cooked that. I thanked him and walked directly to the turkey breast area. I bought one, made it, and it was inedible. Fortunately I also noticed the ground turkey right next to it, and oh my goodness do I now love ground turkey. I eat it every day.

b. My dermatologist, in passing, suggested a daily moisturizing lotion with a high SPF. I got a little tube at the pharmacy for $15 (which is how much, for many years, I'd have to spend on an entire week of food).

I just want to do what the smart person suggests. The meat guy knows meat, and the skin doctor knows skin. That's what they deal with all day.

Again, not that wearing SPF lotion every day makes me a hero. I just want to take small actions today. I want to make things a little easier, a little better.

In other words, calling for an appointment or applying sunscreen is not the big deal: what is important is the faith it took to take action.

Thanks Beany Boo!

In honor of you, a brief update:

When I cut out high fructose corn syrup pop, and replaced it with Mexican Coca Cola and stevia-pop, my mind became clear.

I have much more to say about my nutritionist's advice, but in general I feel great.

Brief update:

Saturday morning I found myself reaching for a stevia-flavored pop rather than sugar-flavored pop (ie Mexican Coca Cola). While I am free to drink as much sugar-pop as I want, I am proud that I unconsciously made a better choice (ie harm reduction).

The high fructose corn syrup pops continue to collect dust in the fridge, while I simply threw out the aspermante pop several weeks ago.

My mind is much clearer since making this switch. Not perfect, but better.

Today I went to the dentist, lawyer, and general practitioner. I must admit that I feel grown up.

The dentist: The rotating brush is paying off:

Me: Do I have good teeth for a 40 year old?

Dental hygienist: You have good teeth for a 20 year old.

I don't believe that for a second, but flattery will get you everywhere.

A lawyer. Ostensibly there to review a document (done!), it was really to begin a professional relationship with a lawyer should trouble ever find me.

Doctor: She confirmed that the slow-healing scar from the dermatologist is healing.

I used my words today. Advocating for myself has been enormously difficult. Now that I've done it, however imperfectly, I wish I had done it a long time ago. (Remember, I went ten years without any of this.)

Bonus example of using my words: today I requested sushi just the way I like it. Salmon with lots of ginger. I was scared but it went real well.

Next week the accountant, and maybe the insurance guy. In three weeks, the big one: the echocardiogram

More admiration. Very cool stuff, as per normal for you. Awesome to acknowledge your improvement and eventual mastery.

Thank you, Manuel Moe, for your encouragement. It is always great to hear from you.

Not Related to This Thread, But Using My Words:

Wednesday evening my car broke down. It happened to be inconveniently timed (as if there is ever a good time for one's car to break down) and placed.

I had to use my words to ask for help.

I got wonderfully kind help: the person in the parking garage gate booth let me stay inside, warm, when....

I got no help: the tow company never came

I took action by:

1. Not panicking (much)

2. Paying (the next day) for a membership at a more reputable roadside assistance program. (They showed up, as promised.)

3. Coming up with a plan, written out, the night between the evening it broke and the next morning, when it got towed.

When I was about to panic, I just pulled out my list of actions to take, and did the next thing. I used my words and was patient, and it all worked out. While not everyone was super-nice to me, everyone did their job (except for that first roadside assistance company!) and now I have my car back.

I learned to:

1. Have more money saved, as repairs can and do expensive in a hurry.

2. Have a small, pocket-sized phone charger in my car at all times. Because of course as soon as my car broke down, my phone battery died. My phone battery never dies, until it did! At the worst time!

3. Have a support network of people who care enough about me to come pick up me, even if it is night and it is cold out.

Thanks for listening!