YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

In two weeks I am choosing to get two of my wisdom teeth out. It will suck, but since my dentist recommended it, I want to stay in front of this situation.

A vignette that confirms my choice:

Yesterday at work we received a series of panicked calls and emails. Per usual, these people waited to the last minute for "something important", and then had to hope (forgetting that hope is not a strategy) we would fix it at the last minute. We were able to, more out of us being competent than any sort of sympathy for a situation that they actively created through their passivity and indolence.

What this work situation illustrated to me is some people put themselves in the situation of hoping someone will fix their situation.

I could easily ignore my wisdom teeth: my dentist estimated there is a 50-50 chance of nothing happening, ever. I am choosing the painful and expensive option now, so I never have to consider it again.

My work colleagues yesterday had to panic and hope and rely on others; I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to rely on myself, ask for help, and take principled action.

If my wisdom teeth are going to blow up someday, to cause all sorts of pain, I want it to be controlled pain. I want the pain to be scheduled, with professionals who know exactly what is required. I don't want to be in an emergency room at 3 am on a Saturday of Labor Day weekend in 2019, hoping I can get into dental surgery.

I'm not sure the point of this thread and post, but it feels good to use my words.

oak,

Well done! Facing situations and making choices before the situations become no-choice crises sounds very healthy indeed. Especially given the inner battles you've described as habitual for you, this seems like good self-care.

I understand the value, with a 50-50 prediction of future awfulness, of simply taking control of the situation by choosing action in the present. My CPTSD takes this a bit too far in me, but my perspective is that, if the present is reasonably stable, I ought to take the opportunity afforded by that stability to address things pre-emptively, because too often there aren't enough resources to address things later, when they may become urgent.

Also, I too sometimes use other people's dysfunctionality (like the people making frantic calls to you and your colleagues) as "a word to the wise," learning from observation what not to do.

Congratulations. I'm glad you shared this victory.

Namu

Thank you very much, Namu, for your kind post. It is always a pleasure to hear from you.

May I ask your advice?

I'm scheduled for the wisdom teeth removal in just under two weeks. I have a problem: I don't have anyone to wait there during the procedure and take me home. I might well be estranged from my family, I don't have a SO anymore, and what friends I have all live out of town or are at work.

Maybe I can look into using Uber?

What do you think, Namu? Can you offer any suggestions to consider?

Hi Oak,
I just saw your question. You may want to check with your dentist/oral surgeon to see if they recommend or require someone to be with you when you leave, or would release you to take Uber. There are services like care.com or home health agencies that could provide someone for a few hours, but I know that's an expense and hassle you may not want to take on. I'm really sorry you're not sure that you will be able to ask someone in your family to help out due to recent events. Please be safe.

Rivergirl

Hello, oak.

So sorry I didn't reply sooner.

I agree with everything rivergirl said -- especially the sympathy with regard to your relationship with your family. I could go on and on about my own unsatisfying, unresolved, glitchy family stuff! But I won't. Just know that you're in good company as you navigate that territory.

This transportation issue seems not unlike some of the money-management challenges you've been tackling successfully. What feels overwhelming and confusing can sometimes be defanged by breaking it down into small tasks. Like rivergirl said, it sounds like the first step is getting a clear answer from the doctor's office what the options are. If Uber is okay with them, that sounds like a good choice. If it seems like a good choice to you, and if you've never used Uber before, I'd suggest practicing -- taking a trial Uber trip before your surgery, so you minimize the unknowns on the day of the surgery, when you'll have enough stressors already.

Given the independence from your family that it sounds like you're hankering for, getting Uber into your toolbox might be a good move in any case. The less we are dependent on particular people, the more freedom we have to craft our relationships according to our own tastes.

I hope you're hanging in there, and I hope this wisdom teeth challenge will turn out to be a positive experience.

I hope you'll let us know what you decide.

Namu

Thanks Rivergirl and Namu!

A less-aggreived family member kindly agreed to take me.

I really appreciate your kind replies. They made me feel better!

I've also felt a lot of guilt of dental inequality in America, and I've actually done two small things about it:

1. I am making a modest donation to the local community college dental program. (They cleaned my teeth juuuuuust as I was beginning to escape working poverty. In fact, cleaned teeth helped give me the confidence to apply for better jobs.)

2. I made a dental clinic my Amazon Prime charity.

Yesterday I went to the periodontist. The hard part of escaping working poverty, well one of them, is convincing myself that I deserve periodontal care. Intellectually I know it is part of my benefits, but I received society's shame about poverty. As an act of faith, I am availing myself of two services the periodontist recommended: a graft for a recession, and a half hour tutorial on oral self-care. I am so very grateful for my dental benefits.

May I share a fear: per the memes, I am afraid I was say ridiculous things while coming out of the wisdom teeth anesthesia!

But again, I'm not so scared that I won't accept this generous offer of dental care!

Thanks for listening.

I got my teeth out about three hours.

My dental surgeon is a smooth brother.

I have no memory of getting home.

There is some pain and some blood, but generally I feel good. I know it will get worse as the anesthesia wears off. I'm keeping on top of the pain medication.

I already have my appetite back, and looked enviously at a pastry I saw my mother eating.

My only memory of the procedure was thinking: "This is pretty interesting." Not that I wanted to be experiencing it, but since it actually was happening I sort of intellectually enjoyed. I think the one tooth shattered.

I still have my list of things to do to get out of my head: I already drank an Ensure, and replied to some work emails.

My one tooth hole has a pain of 3 or 4. I wish I had more gauze.

Getting these teeth out is one of the steps as I increasingly become a grown up: my teeth felt fine, and I chose the painful and expensive preventative choice. In years past I would have had to "hope" that my teeth didn't go bad.

I may even go for a brief walk today. Strangely, I am craving chicken mcnuggets.

Thank you for letting me post here. It is a big help, know that I am not alone and that I can use my words.

Hoping you heal up perfectly, excited because you used your agency! You are the best!

Well done, oak!

Just not remembering getting home is a post-surgery transportation option we failed to consider during the brainstorming phase. It seems to have done the trick!

I’m glad you got through it, and glad you enjoyed the enjoyable bits. I hope that the pain stays manageable, and that the satisfaction of proactive self-care continues to hold you up.

If only family — or at least their dysfunctions — could be extracted in an afternoon, right? I'm listening to MIHH episode 341, and Dana Eagle says her cancer (granted, it was a non-aggressive case) was peanuts compared to depression. It's interesting to hear her ideas (and Paul's) about why physical illness is so often so much less awful than mental.

I digressed. Anyway, I congratulate you and wish you a speedy recovery.

Namu

Thank you my dear Friends, Manuel Moe and Namu.

Your kind words made a difficult situation better, much better. I know I am not alone.

I also have no memory of writing that post earlier today.

While taking the prescribed medications, instead of staying in my head while they took effect, I played some video games while listening to Frank Sinatra, Jim Croce, and Tom. Just happy love songs.

Then I laughed to many SNL sketches featuring Keenan Thompson. Bill Haider is great also.

I tried to follow the advice I was given by my doctor, my friends, and (if there is a consensus) the internet.

I must admit I am fairly proud of myself: this is something I would have (and did) put off ten years ago. Self-care was not a priority. Now I can take action, demonstrating love for myself.

Thank goodness I started drinking caffeinated water a few months ago. Pop would have messed me up.

Tomorrow I am going to ease into soft food and swishing salt water around.

I feel great tonight, but may use my words and take a half day Wednesday (the day after tomorrow).

Thanks again friends. I might post here so I don't feel alone.