Shame vs Mindfulness
Posted: January 29th, 2015, 1:46 pm
OK, will write about Shame message that I am actually dealing with now.
Compared to my wife, I have much less self control, and I wish I had her iron will.
Now, have to admit that she takes "self control" to the level where it actually becomes self-abuse, because she doesn't eat enough or rest enough, for example.
But still, my Shame message is "if I had more self-control I would be a better person, so now I feel it I am a bad person"
The Shame message is so powerful that it cuts me down to the level where I break down. When I am broken down I cannot help myself or help others, so there is nothing good about my broken down state. So I must reject the Shame message because it is too destructive.
Shame message - Get Out!
So what to replace the Shame message with? Because I do feel it to try to be a better person.
The message has to be congruent with: with being self-loving, with being mindful, with being present in the moment, with being accepting, with being do-able, with a spirit of exploration.
So, since we know we want to make it do-able, we know we have to break it into do-able smaller chunks.
So specifically want to start with self-control around eating and exercise. I know how to do this: throw out treats, have healthy snacks throughout the day, small chunks of exercise, use "fit-bit" type thinking and choose small active ways of doing everyday stuff.
Also, an element that I feel some resistance to: logging my struggles and progress, written down.
Lastly, I should give myself credit for the work I already do, and the good results I have already built-up.
Now, shame messages pop up all the time for me. I have mixed-up-thoughts about the words: Humble, Privilege, Deserve, Loving, Good, Moral - and this causes all kinds of shame messages to pop-up.
Another source of shame messages is that shame messages pop up whenever somebody is working to improve themselves. You can think of work to improve oneself like moving rocks, and sometimes a little shame critter crawls out from under the rock one is moving. So be on guard for shame messages popping up.
Compared to my wife, I have much less self control, and I wish I had her iron will.
Now, have to admit that she takes "self control" to the level where it actually becomes self-abuse, because she doesn't eat enough or rest enough, for example.
But still, my Shame message is "if I had more self-control I would be a better person, so now I feel it I am a bad person"
The Shame message is so powerful that it cuts me down to the level where I break down. When I am broken down I cannot help myself or help others, so there is nothing good about my broken down state. So I must reject the Shame message because it is too destructive.
Shame message - Get Out!
So what to replace the Shame message with? Because I do feel it to try to be a better person.
The message has to be congruent with: with being self-loving, with being mindful, with being present in the moment, with being accepting, with being do-able, with a spirit of exploration.
So, since we know we want to make it do-able, we know we have to break it into do-able smaller chunks.
So specifically want to start with self-control around eating and exercise. I know how to do this: throw out treats, have healthy snacks throughout the day, small chunks of exercise, use "fit-bit" type thinking and choose small active ways of doing everyday stuff.
Also, an element that I feel some resistance to: logging my struggles and progress, written down.
Lastly, I should give myself credit for the work I already do, and the good results I have already built-up.
Now, shame messages pop up all the time for me. I have mixed-up-thoughts about the words: Humble, Privilege, Deserve, Loving, Good, Moral - and this causes all kinds of shame messages to pop-up.
Another source of shame messages is that shame messages pop up whenever somebody is working to improve themselves. You can think of work to improve oneself like moving rocks, and sometimes a little shame critter crawls out from under the rock one is moving. So be on guard for shame messages popping up.