Lady Asperger's

[hobojungle]

Are you a lady with Asperger's? What have you found helpful? When were you diagnosed? What were the symptoms/situations that prompted a diagnosis? I want to read what you have to write. Thank you thank you thank you.

[Kismet]

1. I'm a woman, not really sure if I'm a lady, definatly don't like to call myself one.

2. Not sure if this will help you or what you're looking for, but here it goes:

3. I actually have Schizoid PD, which I sometimes like to call the "other" Aspergers. Jokingly and respectfully as I'm very knowledgeable about Aspergers. I have a son with aspergers and I was diagnosed when my son was about 10 years old. When he was growing up there was a lot of teaching him how to look people in the eye and how to go in public without having a meltdown. We had to teach him how to quit flapping his ears and more of that type of autistic behavior. I didn't really think anything related to me because I don't have any problem looking people in the eye or any problems going in public or any autistic symptoms.

Buy when he got older his workers wanted to start having him be more social, learn to go out and meet friends. I really wondered why this was necessary. I realized I have not have had anything other than a few aquintences (no good friends) in my whole life. I remembered I had a series of people that suddenly didn't want to be my friend and I didn't know why. I've been happy being a loner. I started realizing more similarities between us and I went to a therapist and was diagnosed. I had been to a therapist for a couple other stints before this to deal with the depression and anxiety from chronic pain, but never mentioned these parts of my life, which being super secret and private is part of schizoid PD. My son really wants friends but has a hard time meeting them, I usually could care less- yet from the outside we seem to have the same kind of personality. I know that for him it's always practice in public, and talking to others, a constant learning process- how is different for women, or "ladies" I don't know. As for me, I do come on this and other forums from time to time.

[hobojungle]

Thank you for sharing your experience Kismet! It is helpful to me. From what I have read, women with Asperger's are easily able to fly under the radar & go undiagnosed. I also have no problem whatsoever maintaining eye contact & I am able to go into public, though it tends to feel unpleasant & exhausting. I don't have friends. I haven't had a friend in years now--they are very few & far between. I can be friendly with people & fake it, but it feels uncomfortable. Soul sucking. Romantic relationships I have had the most success with, but even there it is sorely lacking. I prefer the company of animals or nature. I also enjoy my own company &/or being in the presence of another person who is enjoying his/her own company. Society's values infuriate me. Depression, anxiety & agoraphobia have been my lifelong issues. I have a dry & caustic gallows sense of humor & I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't talk a lot unless I've been drinking caffeine or alcohol & then I am very chatty. I have been described as "antisocial" by my mother as a teen & as "borderline autistic" by a former coworker years ago. Little did I know. That wasn't even on my radar. To me, autism was Dustin Hoffman in the movie "Rain Man". Me? Autistic? That's ludicrous. Does not compute.

What do you do for work Kismet? That's my struggle now. I can & do work circles around my peers, but I cannot abide people. I'm thinking of somehow getting into commercial art as a freelancer, but I am sure the competition must be insane. Oh well, I don't have to figure it out right this second. What other forums do you visit? Thank you again for responding to my post & sharing your story Kismet.

[NeonFirefly]

Hello! Sorry for the necroposting.

I'll never forget about a year ago I got into a huge fight with my mother and she called me "autistic" as an insult. I've never been the same since.

But lately I've been wondering if she wasn't wrong. I think I may fit some of the criteria for Asperger's Syndrome. I have very specific interests, including trains and buses. I have trouble making friends unless their interests are exactly the same. I notice patterns very easily as well.

I really dislike working in teams with others. For example, at work the other day I deliberately made sure my co-worker didn't come with me so I could ride the buses by myself for field work. I feel a lot of shame about this.

I'm wondering how you go about getting diagnosed as an adult, especially as a (cis) female. I want to know for sure, but I'm scared, too.

[hobojungle]

I'm wondering how you go about getting diagnosed as an adult, especially as a (cis) female. I want to know for sure, but I'm scared, too.

Good question neon firefly. I haven't done much looking into it myself. What I did do is read books on female Asperger's & compile a list of traits/behaviors that matched my situation. I also identified family members who could also possibly be on the spectrum. I took the info to my psychiatrist who contacted colleagues in another city who specialize in spectrum disorders. I didn't pursue a diagnosis though.

[NeonFirefly]

Good question neon firefly. I haven't done much looking into it myself. What I did do is read books on female Asperger's & compile a list of traits/behaviors that matched my situation. I also identified family members who could also possibly be on the spectrum. I took the info to my psychiatrist who contacted colleagues in another city who specialize in spectrum disorders. I didn't pursue a diagnosis though.

Thank you! I never thought of that -- coming with a tangible list that can be checked. Now that I have health insurance, I might be able to really get this looked into. :]

[Namu]

Hello, Ladies/Others! I just want to wave hello. I don't have an Asperger's diagnosis. I've mumbled to my therapist a few times over the years that I feel an awful lot of kinship with the autistics I've glimpsed, and wondered whether I might be on the spectrum but compensating too well for it to be noticed. She always dismissed it, saying my verbal skills and social intelligence are too high for me to be autistic. Lately, for some reason, finally coming around to the realization that we've been stuck, not making progress, for a long time, she suggested that perhaps we should seek assessment for whether I'm on the spectrum. Argh.

Around the same time, I watched season four of Elementary, and fell head over heels for Fiona. If I weren't paralyzed with PTSD, if I had grown up in an environment where the adults didn't require constant, careful, rigorous scrutiny and management in order to minimize the abuse they dealt out, if I thus felt freer to just be, I would look and act a LOT more like Fiona than I do. I think she probably looks more strange and awkward than I generally do when I'm with others, but the dance of conformity and accommodation that feels necessary to me is really, really costly. Fiona's my new archetype cum hero. Financial security is, I think, a terrific basis for being true to oneself, and honest and forthright with others. I envy her earning power.

There isn't money or energy for me to seek a diagnosis right now, and I'm not clear at this point how a diagnosis could help. I haven't managed to figure out whether there are any local support groups or other resources for adults with Asperger's. If any of you have suggestions for coping, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks.

[hobojungle]

If any of you have suggestions for coping, I'd love to hear them.

Read everything you find about asperger's. Knowledge is power. Take notes on what you read & review the notes you take.