Lost my aunt, my friend, and my uncle in <6 months.
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 8:30 am
Don't really know what else to say. They weren't my closest relatives/friend but they weren't distant either. None of them were natural. My aunt was at my wedding in late June dancing and next thing I know it's late July and I'm getting a call from my mom crying telling me to call her hospital room and say good bye. I've had lots of deaths in my family but I've never been able to say goodbye to someone who was still lucid and knew they would be dead soon. It was very surreal to hear her say clear as day "I'm glad I could go to your wedding, it'll be something to remember me by. I love you. I have to hang up now, I'm tired." then to get the call that she died that night. In November, I found out one of my best friends from elementary through high school (though we talked less frequently once I left the state to go to college) drove into a tree. It was great weather, early in the morning, and no drugs or alcohol were found in her system, so nobody know why it happened but I fear the worst. That was horrible not only because it was someone so close, but someone my age (23) and so unexpected. Ever since I've been having even more/worse panic attacks. They were happening DAILY, though for the last month, as my depression has worsened, they only come by about every week, and much more mildly. Finally, my uncle passed away the day before Christmas eve. This one was expected, as he'd been battling cancer for a couple years. He was staying with my grandma (his sister, but it feels weird calling him great uncle because he was only in his mid fifties, everyone starts families young on that side), who was the one who found him and I don't even want to get into her reaction according to my grandpa because it just breaks my heart too much. My uncle's daughter arrived at the airport around 20 hours later to see him, that was pretty sad too. So many people in my family have had cancer (on my mother's side my grandma and grandpa [both died], 2 uncles [one died], one cousin, and on my dad's side my great grandpa [died] and great grandpa, the aforementioned uncle [died], another cousin [died], and I feel like even someone else I'm just not remembering because it's too much to remember) that I told my husband after he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me (long before he actually asked me to marry him) he could break up with me if he wanted because I'd probably die young of cancer.
It has just been overwhelming, and of course now every memory I've ever had of them will just pop into my head for no reason. I couldn't for the life of me think of a single memory of my aunt to give my mom for her speech at her funeral (ridiculous because there are so many), then during the funeral suddenly remembered clear as day that she was the woman who taught me how to dance at her own son's wedding when I was 11. I hadn't spoken to my friend in a couple months, but I will now suddenly remember CDs she burned for me, or stupid jokes on the internet we laughed at until 3am together, or sharing my bed with her at sleepovers. It's not even that I want these to stop (though I do want the paralyzing fear of death to stop), I just wanted to get them off my chest. I know some of you feel the same <3
It has just been overwhelming, and of course now every memory I've ever had of them will just pop into my head for no reason. I couldn't for the life of me think of a single memory of my aunt to give my mom for her speech at her funeral (ridiculous because there are so many), then during the funeral suddenly remembered clear as day that she was the woman who taught me how to dance at her own son's wedding when I was 11. I hadn't spoken to my friend in a couple months, but I will now suddenly remember CDs she burned for me, or stupid jokes on the internet we laughed at until 3am together, or sharing my bed with her at sleepovers. It's not even that I want these to stop (though I do want the paralyzing fear of death to stop), I just wanted to get them off my chest. I know some of you feel the same <3