YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Being willing to be my own person, Grinch or not, I took three actions last night that would have gotten shame heaped on me at every time previous in my life:

1. Knowing that my family of origin's Christmas dinner was alleged to start "at 5", after a not-difficult day at work I stopped by Sheetz (a gas station that sells good road food) and enjoyed two chili dogs and a peanut butter cup shake. They were divine. To one's surprise, the food wasn't out until 7. I choose not to get HALT.

2. Between the siblings and their children, Christmas Eve is a cacophony of noise. And while no one is mean to me, no one really asks anything about me. (My siblings all live within twenty minutes of my apartment, but have never visited in the 1.5 years I've lived here. They've gotten pizza (and not invited me) that they had to drive right past my apartment complex.) I went to the laundry room and looked at the news on my phone. I can handle only so much noise.

3. After three hours of noise and being ignored, sort of mid-party, I politely excused myself.

Any of these would be nuclear-grade Insults to Christmas and The Family and Good Taste and Why Are You Like This and You Ruined [holiday]

Yeah, I come from a real shaming family.

I accepted/expected this garbage because I was.....underemployed?

It seems silly to believe that, typing it here, but that was my life.

General Thoughts on Christmas

Since getting sober I've really come to enjoy and appreciate Christmas especially, and also Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Do I love the song "All I Want for Christmas Is You"? Yes, of course.

But I prefer a quiet, meditative Christmas. A touch of nostalgia, and more melancholy and gratitude: I made it to another Christmas; others weren't so lucky.

My ideal Christmas is best summed up by the Frank Sinatra version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (second only to "You Are My Sunshine" for the most downer lyrics for a song with a cheerful word in the title.)

https://genius.com/Frank-sinatra-have-y ... mas-lyrics

It acknowledges that yeah, things suck this year. But next year things will be good.

"Some day we all will be together, if the fates allow"

That's some Christmas for me. That's perfect.

Hi Oak,
I relate so much to what you said...the wait for dinner, the noise, the ignoring. The one family member I hear from always tells me everyone misses me. Except I never hear from them so I have to wonder who they're missing and would a cardboard cutout of me suffice?
I cheered at the chili dog part. I love the self care. Bravo!

I had a lovely quiet Christmas with my SO. I did some neighbour/friend things in the weeks leading up, and that really helped quiet the sadness. I think for me, this can be a friends holiday instead of a family holiday. Chosen family FTW!

Hurrah to everyone who made it through a very tough time!
Heather

I can relate to so much of your post. The food is usually on time, but everything else is the same.
I didn't stop to get anything this year, but in years past I have gone through a drivethru and got some fries and a shake to boost my morale before I went.
To me, Christmas dinner is sad. It just reminds me of my isolation. My disconnect from family.

For me John Lennon sums it up. Sadness and hopefulness intertwined

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7w-oRGLbac

Classic Paul

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHoZYeVts-Q

I too can relate to all of these posts, and I'm sad for everyone who doesn't have a close and caring family.

This year my fortification against the inevitably very late dinner was a swing through a Dunkin' Donuts drive-through. As we were rushing through opening a few presents after dinner while my brother's family was preoccupied with a loud basketball game on tv, I vowed to myself that next year I'll go somewhere else for Christmas, even if it means spending the day alone.

Here's to self-care, even if that means fast food on the way to family gatherings or hiding out in the laundry room for some peace and quiet.