YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I know some will understand and some wont, but that's ok. Ive already been having a hard time lately. Things are not going right, everything is a struggle. Within the last week my relationship ended because my mental burden is too much for him to want to deal with even though I edited the severity of my issues. My roommates boyfriend has gotten out of jail, and no where to go and is now staying with us in an apartment entirely too small for all of us and even though me and him were friends previous we are having issues because I feel like he is making it a competition for my roommate/best friend's attention. I feel that is unfair to her and if it continues I would have to leave for the sake of both relationships. I recently stopped talking to my family because I feel our relationships are toxic to my mental health. I have been unsuccessful in putting my degree to work and am about to run out of forbearance time on my student loans. My health is declining as it always does when my depression get worse and my anxiety continues to rise and of course I'm hormonal and in pain because my ovarian cysts are flaring up again and I keep getting denied for insurance even though I'm unemployed or they lose my paperwork. Oh and I twisted my ankle and haven't been able to go take my usual 'thinking walks' and under so much stress have reverted back to old unhealthy eating habits. Through all of this that is going wrong, I'm really broken up about Robin. I know I didn't know him. I had never met him but that doesn't matter. He was a great influence on my life. There was a certain comfort in knowing he was 'crazier' than me and still successful, loved and influential for many people, and in his ability to make me laugh and make me forget about my troubles for a bit. Between one of my childhood idols and everything else in my personal life, my eyes haven't been dry in a week. I'm already a highly sensitive person and currently I just feel overwhelmed. One thing after another and it feels like it's been this way for years. Each new blow isn't just adding to my mental burden, it's multiplying it. UGH.

Hi Lucy,

Thank you for starting this thread. I, too, have been feeling very sad about Robin Williams' passing. Part of me thinks, wow, if someone that successful can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us? But another part of me thinks, wow, this is what happens when we don't reach out for help. It doesn't matter how much success, recognition, or applause we have in our lives, when we are down and feeling disconnected, we are as vulnerable as anyone else. I feel for his family, and I feel for those dark hours when all he could think to do was end it all.

I am inspired to keep working hard, to build connections with others who also want to be healthy and whole. To catch things before they get out of hand, to clean up before things get too messy.

It sounds like you are facing a lot of challenges right now, and you have done well to post about how you are feeling. Trust me, things will improve, as you make new choices to reach out, connect, and draw strength from those who have it to give.

Rest easy and trust the process. There is light on the other side of the door, even if you can't see it right now because the door is closed.

IP

When the news came yesterday from his wife that he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's, the "why" made sense to me. I'm not saying life isn't worth living with Parkinson's disease, but like Alzheimer's, it's a devastating disease with no cure and an enormous misery for the person with the disease and especially his family.

In a weird way, I think he was already debilitated by the depression (aren't we all, there are some days when it's just a feat for me to get up), and the pain of this new information may have led him to think he could end his pain and keep his family from having to watch as this disease overtook him.

He was a communicator with words and with movement---knowing that he would one day not be able to speak, possibly be demented and certainly lose his motor function....I can understand if that was unbearable to him. I really can.