This is my first post! I found it funny that when I was filling out the registration I kept getting the message, "The issues section cannot be over 80 characters..." 
So here is the deal:
I've always been infatuated with men and I looked to them to give me meaning and purpose. I was definitely a co-dependent partner- clingy, but able to keep it pretty disguised. I've had three major relationships in my life, all of which lasted around 2 years.
During those relationships I was buried in an eating disorder and the lowest level of self-worth.
I recently went into treatment and it was truly transformative. I am 2 years strong in my recovery and I'm even in grad school to become an art therapist.
At this point in my life, the thought of a relationship with a man leaves me with a feeling of fatigue. I am just not interested. But with a women? I'd be open to it if there was compatibility. I've only recently (the past 5 years) discovered my sexual attraction toward women. Its come to the point where only girl on girl porn does the trick and I find myself fantasizing about my first female partner (both sexually and romantically).
I'm wondering if anybody else has had experience with this "late onset" realization of their sexuality? So many times I've heard my gay friends say they knew from a very young age. I'm trying to let it be but the nagging voice in my head says, "You're making this up, you aren't the real deal", and, "This is a choice you are consciously making."
Some of those thoughts may be old tapes based on the strict pentecostal beliefs I was raised with (aka, its a "choice".) My brother is gay and came out a few years ago. I was astounded he did so because I thought it would never fly with my fam. I can't even imagine talking about this with my family- even my brother. I'm feeling embarrassment, shame, trepidation, and uncertainty.
I also fear what the lesbian/bi community would think about this. I get the feeling no one really wants to deal with a "novice" for lack of a better word, and I have NO idea how to go about meeting women.
Any thoughts you may have are welcomed!!
