YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Work

Work is revolting. Work for me is just a way of turning on the horror carousel and watching the sinister horses go round. Strangers' mental issues, empty rooms and corridors, dirty toilets, a boss who may or may not be (but isn’t) my father etc.

Or it was; it is gradually getting better, which is to say manageable.

But I thought I’d post this (see below) because it represents a sure footing for me. And I’m sure I am not alone in facing work as a mental health obstacle.

This is my ‘current’ rules for getting my own work done; in a way that I don’t feel compromised in a shitty feeling way. I’m posting it because remarkably, and for a change, its working:

• - Answer no requests for updates
  
  - Give no fixes for other peoples’ problems
  
  - Process nothing that is not a formal request
  
  - If there is no response to your request for help, put your own plan into action that makes the helpers job more difficult, because they now also have to fix your new mistake as well

If you raise an eyebrow reading these, my workplace is dysfunctional

My job is a miasma of misery

I HATE my job - it is loathsome and I feel yucky doing it every day - I sound like a Disney Princess on the phone but my face looks like I just ate something vile and disgusing because I don't smile here - my boss is the biggest fing d bag that truly ever walked the 4 corners of the multiverse - he is a completely useless piece of egocentric garbage -

I just got in trouble for releasing something I shouldnt have - had to listen to the puled call like a child and then was quizzed as to what I did wrong - his style of management is so fing dysfunctional - he has no clue how to talk to and/or work with people - I feel absolutely no drive to make the department better - I feel only inclined to do just enough to keep my job -

My strategy is to not talk to anyone at all - my department is full of catty ladies that like to "tattle" on each other I dont play those games - it is crazy making

just get on the dumb phones - which is agonizing for an introvert - everytime the phone beeps in my ear I die a little inside- and be as pleasant as possible

note every conversation I have on the account so that there is no doubt that I attempted to do my job

try wicked hard not to get in trouble (though I seem to make wrong decisions on a daily and be the only person called out on them like the black sheep of the department)

I need a career change desparately - however it feels like that would be the hardest thing in my life to maneuver -

So I'll diarise on this because I'm putting this into practice and seeing benefits.

• I refused to track down a contact for an important job because it was 'fixing someone else's work.' I eventually found a simple solution; basically locating who it was whose work needed fixing, and passed on the information to their co-worker. It took half a morning but actually only took me personally about 5 minutes and no stress, which was a kind of a shock, because it's usually the opposite.
  
  I was getting service from another department that was pretty average and was also actually kind of triggering. I would usually swallow it at that point before it devolved into impotent rage. I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. But I pointed out the issues in an email in a way that felt effective and reasonable, like if someone else was saying it I wouldn't be affronted; but rather would want to fix it. It's kind of a softened version of moving forward without help; but instead of angling to push someone to act to correct, I experienced the deeper effect of showing myself, me standing up for my own dignity.

It was kind of humbling to do that in a work environment

Beany

you flipping completely rock - do you know that - I mean really deeply know that?

You are doing all the hard work and have been for a long time -

Thank you for your examples of the long road and the ways that we can all help each other.

You are kind Imissmysun

You're awesome beany.

My work situation is completely different. I work in a manufacturing setting. I spend 12 hours a day watching a control panel for the machinery. It is painfully boring. Management is unorganized so there are random product and specification changes. There is always some sort of drama going on with people trying to get out of work and worrying about how much work somebody else is doing. I try to stay out of it, but it still makes for a negative environment being around these people.

Thank you brownblob

brownie

that sounds so mentally draining - you need a change of work atmosphere - it is most certainly adds to your darkness - all that negative energy infiltrates you and it compounds your own feelings of yuck - I get it - I do 100 percent - because my department is miserable - all the time miserable - everyone complains about the people they talk to and the emails they get the catty bickering gets under my skin and makes me feel like running as fast as I can - unfortunately - I cannot because the money makes my house go -

Hang in there - but up some energy boundaries - put up some positive energy cusions - think about places that bring you a little peace - mountains or water or whatever it is - and breath - it helps a little

I can't stand work either...I work in the service industry and actually care about taking care of other people and making them feel good but sometimes it feels like literally everything around crushes that out of you - coworkers, customers, pay cuts, your boss....endless

1. I did a beautiful piece of work that improved an important process and is going to save money into the future. The third party who I did it for pulled the rug out by going around me and cancelling with a supplier. Once they realize what they've done, I'm going to look impressive. I now just have to let them live with their own action. I have to; it's the only way I can feel good about the work I did. Also I realize I did it for a greater good more than to help that person. I can't help that person this time. It's like work itself, as an entity, has a personality disorder that I need to negotiate with, except the dysfunction is being fueled by organizational power.

2. I made a spreadsheet that used all my skills and I was proud of it and knew it was going to make things better. The feedback I got from higher up was that it was all out of order. The way it was 'out of order' said more about the executive than about the quality of the work. I went back in and rearranged it to suit, with relative ease. Their lack of consideration or awareness of what's around them is breathtaking. When I am faced with these moments; people working on raw will and indifference to consequences, I think work is such a counter-intuitive, unnatural mess. Still, I think I was born to swim in this level of mental chaos.