YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

That sounds terrible, remarks. I'm really sorry to hear that, that must have been such a burden on you as a child.
I find that having a loving partner does help me with my self-worth issues in many ways, but there are still so many thought patterns in my mind that seem to act on their own. Like hearing your mother's voice in your head. When I see my reflection somewhere, I immediately start spiralling down in my 'I'm so fat' train of thought. It's such hard work to intervene and stop that process to practice healthy self-talk.

Generally, I think it's really sad how many parents don't get that it's not enough to just not directly tell their child that they are fat, but that kids learn by example. My entire family talks about food and weight constantly which makes family visits really painful. I remember my dad told me that he needed to watch his weight because overweight people got selected for jobs or promotions less frequently when I was nine. Or my mom skipping regular meals with the rest of us to instead have a 'veggie day' because she would need to look nice in her bathing suit. I totally get that people don't leave their issues regarding weight and body image behind once they have kids, but how can a child not associate their self-worth with their weight when their parents do it themselves all the time?
I would really love to have children one day, but I'm honestly terrified how my issues with eating will affect them. I guess I'll try to be more open about it and not make it seem like it's okay or 'normal' to talk about your own body in a derogatory way.

Hi Louisa I’m new to the forum as well. New to doing anything online but the way things are these days connecting with others via the internet seems like the only way to go. I don’t have much to say that will help you just that you are not alone. I too have a serious eating disorder that runs my life and ruins my body, I’m in my 20s and I’ve had struggles since I was a kid, it completely fucked up my teenage and adult development. Everyday is hard and I feel like I’m walking in a long dark tunnel and I don’t know if there is even a light at the end, or even an end. Thanks for sharing your struggles hope you find a bit of peace and things get easier.

Sorry to hear all that Smalltownanabull, you deserve better. Welcome to our little forum, hope you find interesting threads and topics here.

All the best, keep the lines of communication open.

Thank you for your reply, Smalltownanabull! I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles. I find addiction to food/starving yourself so incredibly hard to deal with since you can't just stop eating like someone with substance abuse can 'just' stop using. So I feel your pain, keep believing in yourself (even though it's really heard)

Hi louisa, it's so great to meet you! I'm the girl from Austria Paul mentioned on the podcast; he read my survey a while back.
I came here to see if I could find you this way, and I'm so pleased I did!
First of all, I LOVED YOUR SURVEY. <3 It made me so happy, and when it said in the end you were from Austria, I nearly died with excitement!

I live in Upper Austria and I also have been struggling with eating disorders for many many years. I've been in therapy and listening to the podcast for years now, but I would also love to have some sort of community. It can get very lonely inside your own head caught in your struggles, especially during the pandemic.
If you like, you can email me at ephebicbears at gmail dot com - I'd be happy to hear from you.

Pink rabbits, I sent you an email right away! Thanks so much for looking up my forum post. I'm so happy you found me

Hey, that's exciting!

Wishing you both well!