Frustration with negativity of 12 step program.
Posted: February 15th, 2016, 4:26 pm
I have been attending 12 step program meetings for 13 years. I finally had my second 3 year anniversary last year. I am afraid to not attend meetings because the last time I stopped I ended up going out and staying out for 8 years. It was a road to hell to get back and almost died in the process. My problem is I hate going to these meetings. I hate the negativity and high school behavior in the rooms. I don't believe in God but do have a higher power. It is not supposed to be a religious program but there is a lot of god talk that goes on. I can't stand the "shoulds" that everyone want to put on you. Why can't we celebrate our accomplishments instead of leaving the meeting feeling like I'm a failure. I tried an agnostic meeting and all they did was talk about not talking about God. I also don't like woman and you get shit for hanging with the guys, or they think you are interested in them. I have looked into alternative programs but cannot find any in my area. I did find one about an hour away and emailed the contact person. They answered me asking for a zip code for my area but never heard back again. I'm hoping to move out to Arizona in a year or so and it looks like there are more options there but don't know what to do in the meantime. I hear you talking on the podcast with your guy friends about the bonding you have experienced and helping each other and it makes me jealous and sad. I have a sponcer but she disassociates and is caught up in her own issues. Sorry to whine. And please don't say what are you doing to make things better. I have tried to make friends. I have tried to help others and get out of myself and I have tried many different meeting and run into the same religious zealots and catty groups of women. Don't know what to do. Guys girl heathen.