YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi
I have sexual trauma related PTSD, major depression, bulimia (past), suicidal ideation. I adore my pets, sometimes I hate people. I dressed like a boy from age 10-16. I wanted to be a boy, I even dreamed of peeing like a boy, but my feelings where hurt when people thought I was a boy. At age 9 I planned to swallow my mom's box of pills once my menstrual cycle again. I began to become feminine again at around 16 but the bulimia started. I believe I was hiding in a boys costume to hide from the child predator next door neighbor & peeping tom.
I want to know if or how I will ever enjoy sexual touch again. I've been through PTSD therapy and have been able to leave most of the anger behind that I feel from sexual touch.
I'm afraid of bathrooms due to the Trans laws. I'm afraid of predators taking advantage of the Trans laws. I'm afraid of being in bathrooms/showers with people who have penis's. I am happy for Trans people being accepted more in society but it's scarey. I don't hate but people automatically feel you're a hater when you voice these concerns.
Ironically Trans men are probably in more danger from men when going in men's rooms then I am in a women's restrooms with potential predators. I've been able to see the danger more realistically with PTSD therapy.

Sansi,

Thank you for sharing what you're going through. Keep checking in.

God people suck!

Take things as slowly as you need to - you need to retrain your brain and rewire it -

It thinks that everyone is going to hurt you with touch - most people don't want to so that - they see touch as a way to comfort and help - but you have a lot of trauma - it makes it super hard - but it is possible - its just that you are in the middle of working through some really hard stuff - its stuff that didn't filter into your life overnight and it can't filter out of you overnight - but it can filter out -

if it is something that you want you can have it -

I know I know its not that easy - and you are right its not - but it is doable - and you are the one who can make it doable -

keep talking to us - on good days and bad -

I am listening - and I get it - I just went the other way - I craved touch for validation instead of fearing it - my wires are still crossed they are just crossed differently - I still need to learn the right way too see myself in a healthy way