YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello,

Hope all is well out there with all you beautiful misfit toys. I am a first time poster to this forum (practically any forum) but not new to the show. This show is an all out life saver, but anyone reading this, worth their salt knows that. Finding this show got me through a brutal bout of the black sludge (depression/anxiety) this winter and continues to comfort and educate me now that I'm for the moment a little less sludgy. I come to you with a life long battle with depression and anxiety (i'm in my 30s) and most recently realized a smattering of OCD and co dependency (for good measure). I've taken generics Zoloft for about five years, I tried to taper off last year (with horrendous results) so got tight back on. I also started therapy...for real...last year. Have been going every week. Making progress here and there but also feeling the burn of facing some hard truths head on. I'm incredibly lonely in this struggle, because there are so few people I trust to talk about it with. I'm a teacher and I have summer off and although it's wonderful it's also terrifying because I have hours of unstructured time to fill up or else I quickly go spinning off the rails. I told myself this summer I would actually focus on taking care of myself and try to find some support groups in my area, so I don't feel so isolated. I have researched like crazy but amazingly am not coming up with much. I am looking in the Long Island NY, Brooklyn or NYC area. If anyone has any suggestions or can steer me in the right direction I would be so grateful. Thanks to all who take the time to read this and I truly hope that each and every one of you find a little peace. A big hug, because for god sakes a freakin' hug can just about crush you... in the best way...far too few hugs are out there xo

Welcome and good for you for taking so many actions. You are on your way. Still suffering, no doubt, but I am pleased to see such progress.

What sort of group are you looking for? Are there any categories of groups that are outside your wheelhouse?

Hi shiver!

Slogging through mental goo is so taxing and draining that I have not gone too far into it - I am just starting to take pieces of paper out of the tremendously huge hoard of crud garbage I have stuffed in my head - I am terrified that if I pull anymore out then the whole mess will pour out and literally kill me - crushing me and I will die - if not for real I feel I may go catatonic. I have a lot of hurt to go into and it is in layers - like the dinosaur eras - I'm just not a good archeologist of mental crud - thats what I have my therapist for - and she is helping me deal with my stuff in little bite sized pieces - we are just dealing with this piece of this issue right now -

God and rememering to breath - I totally forget to breath sometimes and hold onto my breath when I am stressed - like my inner child is throwing a temper tantrum

Honestly you rock for getting up every day and working through your stuff -

I commend you.

You are brave and I appreciate your sharing

Hello Oak and Imiss!!

Thanks for responding to my post, so nice of you both. I don't really know how to respond to each of you separately so I'll just do it all here. Glad we covered that important info. heh

Oak- I know nothing about support groups other than what I've heard on this podcast! So, I have no idea what is in or out of my wheelhouse...I'm just looking for a "non-culty" group of people who can relate to my situation (depression, anxiety, ocd) and vice versa. I really want it to be "live" in person...as it wouldn't kill me to be a tad more social. Have you had any experience with support groups? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Imiss- let me just say that I can 100% relate to how you describe what your going through...you did it so artfully! I loved it. I know it's so scary and can seem completely lock, stop and barrel insurmountable but keep on slogging through that mental crud and all those dinosaur layers! I just keep telling myself one step, then the next...eventually I'm going to be making some headway (I HOPE Very hard for someone like me who confounds and catastrophizes(probably not a word but I have a hunch you know what I mean) pretty much every time I must make a decision about my life. I digress, Thanks so much for taking the time to write a response...I read it at exactly a time when I really needed to know that someone out there understands. Keep your chin up and slog on.

Hey,

I'm Brooklyn-based myself. I remember I looked at anxiety groups myself about a year or so ago. Then I got too anxious about the prospect of actually going and abandoned my quest. I'll try to dig around and see if I can remember what/where some of them were.

E that would be amazing. Thank you! I totally get the stage fright thing...totally. I'm at a point where I just want to rip the bandage off. I really appreciate you taking the time to write. Good old Brooklyn, a scrappy, soulful place where little lost souls can stay lost in plain sight. I'm rooting for you Elephant.

Hmmm, it looks like the one I was looking at back then is now defunct, but I'll keep my eye out for others.

First up, you seem like a lovely, kind, generous, warm person. Such a fine mind: witty turns of phrase, such clear writing, expressing so well how you feel and what you desire.

Since you are kind enough to ask, yes, I do have experience with support groups, and if you'll indulge me, I'll share:

I went broke ten years ago, and I found the only two institutions that would love me (when I was very unloveable, believe me) were 12-step groups and churches. Were I ever to end up in the (mental/emotional) gutter again, I would run to them.

The reason I ask if there are any criteria you want to avoid, is because every group has an agenda. That need not be bad! Remember, these people were together and I was clearly not. Their agenda was better than mine.... in 2006.

Nowadays, in 2016, I pieced my agenda back together bit by bit (solution, for me: taking focused action).

Onto my suggestions, were I in your situation.

(Remember: don't trust anything I have to say. Weigh what I suggest. Then go talk to five or ten people; if 2 or 3 or more say the same thing(s) I am saying, then immediately go try it.)

First: Call 211.

Tell them what you told us.

The second thing I'd do in your situation is to read the rest of this paragraph. Then, I'd google "Brooklyn temp agency", and call the first ten results that come up. Tell them that you are a teacher and you're available for 4 (or 6) weeks to temp. Then, tomorrow, call the second page of results. Repeat until hired.

I say this because six weeks of non-work and heat can indeed make one's mind go off the rails.

I suggest office temping because usually they'll have filing, making copies, and doing the mail. Unless they're monsters they'll let you listen to podcasts/lynda.com/audiobooks/public radio.

Filing is a particularly satisfying effort because one starts with a seemingly-impossible to complete stack of stuff. Then, one gets caught up in a podcast and next thing you know, the daunting pile is now just a tiny stack. lol, you say to yourself as you boldly grab an even bigger pile!

Suggestion 2:

If you are really desperate, literally go do this: go to the nearest forest, and grab one of these:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xanthium

Place it in your front pants pocket. Once you're sitting down for awhile, this burr will start to annoy you. Get off your duff, onto your feet, and make something happen.

Remember: if you are looking for a helping hand, look to the end of your arm.

....which leads me to, if you are really extra super desperate (as I have been, since I've done it):

Start an Anxiety Meetup!

Pay the $50 to register it for six months, find a venue, and make exactly the anxiety meetup you've always wanted, catering to every whim you come up with.

So, in conclusion!

Is this all good advice?

No.

Have I done everything I've suggested? Yes, except for the burr, but if I was desperate enough again I'd do it.

What I am trying to do is get fresh ideas in your head.

Even a fresh idea that is bad is still a fresh idea.

Even better an idea acted on today, or best of all _right now_ is an idea acted on.

One final thought, which has helped me, so I'll use an "I" statement:

Often (okay, always) when I contemplate an action that will take courage, especially socially, my mind will not only say it is a bad idea that shouldn't be done, but that I will die. That the fear of action will kill me. (It never explains _how_ I will die, just that I will.)

Example, let's say I am attracted to someone. I want to invite them out, but that thing in mind says I will die of fear or embarrassment.

Fine, I tell myself. If I die, at least I'm going out like a hero.