I wanted to introduce myself! It is a long story and I would love for someone to listen. I've been searching for a therapist but the last one I tried said because in the last 6 months I "blacked out" from alcohol there were too many red flags. They asked me about alcohol consumption and I was honest and said that some weekends I drank 4-5 glasses of wine after dinner and fell asleep on the couch. This particular therapist said I was an alcoholic and needed to be sober before getting help.
I've been stuck in a rut and in a weird relationship for about 4 years. He is my roommate and I don't make enough to move out but I do contribute to utilities, food etc. I have a full time job, I cook, clean etc. One minute he treats me like a girlfriend, I go to family dinners etc. then is out with another woman and wanting me to take care of his dogs. It is long and complicated and I would love to talk about it. I just don't know how to get out because I don't make enough, I live in an expensive city, have an MBA and can't seem to get anywhere.
Looking for ways to cope and HELLO!
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AnnOtherOne
- Posts: 2
- Joined: December 11th, 2016, 3:53 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, depression, anger.
- preferred pronoun: Ms
Re: Looking for ways to cope and HELLO!
Welcome!
Good for you for being honest with the therapists regarding the rate of your alcohol consumption.
It strikes me as a bit odd that a professional would say that one needs to be sober before getting help. There are some people with hangups about alcohol out there, that's for sure. I've not drank in some years, and I experienced learning and growth as a continuum between cutting down on my drinking, stopping, and then really starting to live.
I can assure you that life sober is awesome! It is a really amazing journey. Its the best. It is something new every day.
Good luck with your relationship!
Good for you for being honest with the therapists regarding the rate of your alcohol consumption.
It strikes me as a bit odd that a professional would say that one needs to be sober before getting help. There are some people with hangups about alcohol out there, that's for sure. I've not drank in some years, and I experienced learning and growth as a continuum between cutting down on my drinking, stopping, and then really starting to live.
I can assure you that life sober is awesome! It is a really amazing journey. Its the best. It is something new every day.
Good luck with your relationship!
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
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AnnOtherOne
- Posts: 2
- Joined: December 11th, 2016, 3:53 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, depression, anger.
- preferred pronoun: Ms
Re: Looking for ways to cope and HELLO!
Thanks for the welcome! Is there a specific part of the forum I should go to in order to talk about feeling stuck and dealing with living in a sometimes uncomfortable environment?
I apologize also, to be honest I'm not looking to get sober, I'm not an alcoholic, I was honest when they asked if I ever used to deal with my anxiety and I said there were times I had 4-5 glasses of wine with dinner at home and fell asleep. The therapist inferred I was an alcoholic. I drink 1-2 times a week with dinner or socially. Now when I'm anxious I go and work out
I apologize also, to be honest I'm not looking to get sober, I'm not an alcoholic, I was honest when they asked if I ever used to deal with my anxiety and I said there were times I had 4-5 glasses of wine with dinner at home and fell asleep. The therapist inferred I was an alcoholic. I drink 1-2 times a week with dinner or socially. Now when I'm anxious I go and work out
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Brainergy
- Posts: 2
- Joined: December 5th, 2016, 9:27 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Depression
Anxiety - preferred pronoun: She
Re: Looking for ways to cope and HELLO!
Hi AnnOtherOne,
I'm sorry that you feel stuck in your life right now. I think you are brave for taking the steps needed to see a therapist and also for reaching out to this forum. Have you tried other therapists? I suppose it's true that some therapists may resist wanting to treat someone who may or may not have an alcohol problem. I think I remember Paul telling that story about one of his therapists. That they could only get so far because his drinking was out of control and it was difficult to tell what was depression and what was alcohol-induced mood swings.
However, it seems like this therapist jumped to a very black and white conclusion pretty fast, which I don't think was helpful. I think it's absurd to tell someone that they need to get sober before getting help. If anything, the two should probably happen simultaneously.
That being said,like you, I drink to excess at times. In my early to mid-20's I definitely drank to escape. I would usually end my night by crying by myself somewhere alone. After years of that, I met someone (who turned out to be my future wife) who was the first person I ever met who struggled with depression. It felt so freeing to be able to talk about my dark thoughts without weirding people out. She gave me a book that deals with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I found it incredibly helpful. I realize not everyone responds to this, but it was the first step in breaking down the completely distorted way of thinking I had. I also didn't drink alcohol for 4-6 months. This was my own decision. As much as I did (and still do to a lesser degree) use alcohol as a crutch, it was important for me to see what my thoughts about life were without being clouded by the effects of alcohol.
So while I don't agree with your therapist about a professional being able to help you only if you "get sober", it could be to your benefit to lay off the sauce while you are trying to figure out what to do next. Like you, I just started going to therapy a month ago. I'm going with the intention of drilling down some issues of mine that seem to keep boiling up once in a while. We have not broached the subject of alcohol or drugs yet (I usually drink one or two nights a week, most times more than I should, though now it is just to relax as opposed to escaping). I go back and forth in my head whether I am an alcoholic. I know there are different types (I probably fit in the "binge" category). I have some anxiety about it mostly because my family is very religious and nobody I currently consort with drinks (it's just not their thing). So...I don't know if I'm just feeling "shamed" and therefore I worry about it, or I really am an alcoholic. Or both!
Do you have these types of thoughts?
I'm sorry that you feel stuck in your life right now. I think you are brave for taking the steps needed to see a therapist and also for reaching out to this forum. Have you tried other therapists? I suppose it's true that some therapists may resist wanting to treat someone who may or may not have an alcohol problem. I think I remember Paul telling that story about one of his therapists. That they could only get so far because his drinking was out of control and it was difficult to tell what was depression and what was alcohol-induced mood swings.
However, it seems like this therapist jumped to a very black and white conclusion pretty fast, which I don't think was helpful. I think it's absurd to tell someone that they need to get sober before getting help. If anything, the two should probably happen simultaneously.
That being said,like you, I drink to excess at times. In my early to mid-20's I definitely drank to escape. I would usually end my night by crying by myself somewhere alone. After years of that, I met someone (who turned out to be my future wife) who was the first person I ever met who struggled with depression. It felt so freeing to be able to talk about my dark thoughts without weirding people out. She gave me a book that deals with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I found it incredibly helpful. I realize not everyone responds to this, but it was the first step in breaking down the completely distorted way of thinking I had. I also didn't drink alcohol for 4-6 months. This was my own decision. As much as I did (and still do to a lesser degree) use alcohol as a crutch, it was important for me to see what my thoughts about life were without being clouded by the effects of alcohol.
So while I don't agree with your therapist about a professional being able to help you only if you "get sober", it could be to your benefit to lay off the sauce while you are trying to figure out what to do next. Like you, I just started going to therapy a month ago. I'm going with the intention of drilling down some issues of mine that seem to keep boiling up once in a while. We have not broached the subject of alcohol or drugs yet (I usually drink one or two nights a week, most times more than I should, though now it is just to relax as opposed to escaping). I go back and forth in my head whether I am an alcoholic. I know there are different types (I probably fit in the "binge" category). I have some anxiety about it mostly because my family is very religious and nobody I currently consort with drinks (it's just not their thing). So...I don't know if I'm just feeling "shamed" and therefore I worry about it, or I really am an alcoholic. Or both!
Do you have these types of thoughts?