YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

fgalveia wrote: ↑March 15th, 2021, 3:01 pmA couple of weeks ago I was thinking to myself and realized how afraid I am to have a relationship and ruin someone's life with my fears and insecurities. I rather be alone than make someone else miserable

This breaks my heart. I know this feeling well. I got past this feeling, I pray you can too. You have a lot to offer in a relationship, after you work on yourself for a bit. Please be strong and keep walking the path.

An emotionally distant mother? Heartbreaking grief? Lack of recent romantic relationships? Few friends?

You are definitely not alone! I’m right there with you. We may be separated at birth!

And you are thoughtful, well spoken (your English is excellent), and trying to better yourself. You seem like a good person, Francisco. Thanks for sharing.

I’ll look forward to your posts with interest.

Btw, I posted here a few weeks ago about saudade; I recently learned that word, and it expresses something I’ve always felt. Maybe I have a bit of a Portuguese soul: saudade describes my heart perfectly.

First of all congratulations for going into therapy.

Second, how you’re feeling now about being a burden on another in a relationship definitely is linked with how your parents treated you. Parents who struggled to make time or just didn’t think it was necessary to parent consciously, leave their children thinking that they’re not capable or worthy of relationships.

It may also be the effect of leaving the therapeutic relationship but it’s difficult to say for sure.

There’s a fair chance that you will have a less ‘perfect’ but more profound relationship with the self-awareness you now have. That includes feeling overwhelmed and navigating the other person’s insecurities. You probably have the capacity to negotiate with and nurture others. Because of your upbringing, you’re just not aware of it, yet.

Welcome, Francisco!

Thanks for opening up and sharing part of your story. I think you will find everyone here is very nice and supportive.