My name's Seb, hence my cryptically selected username. I've been listening to Paul's awesome podcasts for a couple of months now and have been reading the forums for a while, getting my 'lurk' on before today when suddenly the stars aligned, my synapses fired and a few extra drops of serotonin were created, allowing me to finally get up the courage to say 'Hi!'.
So... Hi!
I live in Australia, where depression has an accent much like Steve Irwin's although I live in Perth so it's a bit more Hugh Jackman in tone. That's right - my depression sounds like Wolverine. Nowhere near as exciting as it sounds, mind you. And thankfully, no yellow lycra.
I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, agoraphobia and mild OCD and currently manage it with medication (100mg Pristiq daily for those filling out their 'Meds Bingo' cards) and not much else - although I hope to change that soon.
I worked as a nightclub DJ for 16 years, as well as doing some radio along the way. Depression kept rearing it's ugly head but was mostly manageable until I started having panic attacks while at gigs. I'd be spinning tunes to a thousand people with their arms aloft, jumping up and down cheering before I'd suddenly begin to shake uncontrollably and start dry heaving for no reason, tears running down my face. And of course being in a DJ booth, this was all helpfully spotlit from above for that 'awesomely cool blubbing Superstar DJ with a snot bubble' effect.
I soon found myself having to leave for gigs an hour earlier because I'd need that long to will myself to get out of the car. Every step forward would make it harder to breathe and I wondered if I was losing my mind. On more than one occasion I'd have to ring the club manager and ask them to come and get me from across the road where I was too petrified to move.
That was a couple of years ago and although I've made some progress in life I'm still having to work extremely hard to give the impression that I'm a functioning adult. I manage to wear pants most of the time, which has been helpful. I'm not going to be able to go back to what I love doing yet, if ever, but for now I'm hanging in there.
I'm looking forward to meeting you all in pixel form. Here's to us having found each other via the medium of Gilmartin.
