Episode 67 - Chris Hardwick

[Miklos Rosacia]

This was a really helpful episode for me personally. While all of the guests have helped me get context and appreciate how I'm not alone, your talk about how the brain is only interested in short-term gratification really hit me where I'm at right now. Also, that letter from the lady in Germany about atheism was quite moving. I've tried Chris' Nerdist cast in the past and found it kind of grating to be honest - I think it felt too bro-y for me in my lonely nerd despair - but I want to thank him for doing this. His ability to come out of his geeky youth and the post-MTV doldrums and turn it around was real inspiring. And Paul - thank YOU, of course! I'm still getting caught up on past episodes now, but you're doing a good thing here. I validate you, sir.

[Stina]

I too really liked "Ann the athiest"'s email. Dang, so freakin' eloquent (says the lazy American). Shannon's too, at the end of the episode.

[Spekkio]

I apologize for resurrecting a zombie thread, but I just finished listening to this episode and I really, really felt the need to say something in response to the survey by "Katie" that Mr. Gilmartin read towards the end of the program.

(As a refresher for those who haven't listened to it, Katie reported that her deepest, darkest thoughts was her desire to have sex with a woman. Her strongest sexual fantasy was to be controlled by a woman and have a subservient man watching. Mr. Gilmartin thought there should be a name for that.)

I know it's terribly unlikely that "Katie" will see this, but I hope she does...if not, I hope what I have to say will help someone else. And I'm going to preface this by saying that my intent here is genuine, sex-positive, and non-pervy.

Katie, I think you should strongly consider embracing your sexuality. I understand from what you said in the survey (being used by a group of men while drunk in college) that you may have trouble with that. But there's nothing wrong with what you want, and denying it isn't going to help. Your desire for sex with a woman is normal. Your desire to cuckoldress (that's the name for a woman who enjoys humiliating a partner by forcing them to watch while she has sex with someone else) is a fetish, and it's OK to have those, too, as long as you're safe, sane (i.e. sober), and consensual (rape is bad).

There are a few resources that I will recommend here for you (and anyone else who is interested in sexuality - vanilla or "alternative"):

1. FetLife is a free social networking website for people who are interested in alternative sexuality. This would be the easiest way to find people to talk to about your desires - perhaps even people or groups local to you. Of course, all the usual caveats apply (be careful, meet people in public spaces, etc, etc). And the website is secure and pseudonymous, so it's not like you'd be outing yourself to the whole world. It's at http://www.fetlife.com.

P.S. I'm not an owner or investor in the site or anything, and I don't get anything out of promoting it - just trying to be helpful.

2. Speaking of Chris Hardwick and Nerdist Industries, one of the podcasts in the Nerdist Network is "Sex Nerd Sandra." She's a sex educator, and along with comedian Dave Ross, she does fun and informative programs about all sorts of things. Check her website out at http://www.sexnerdsandra.com. You can find her podcast on iTunes and all that jazz.

3. There's another sex educator you may want to check out named Laci Green. She does videos on YouTube. Here's her channel: http://www.youtube.com/lacigreen

In conclusion - don't beat yourself up about your desires and fantasies. It doesn't help. I think you should embrace them - even if you choose not to ever act on them.