New to Therapy...really nervous

[MusicalRaven]

Hi Everyone,

I have been listening to this podcast for a while now and just in the last month have been diagnosed with depression. It's all very new to me and even though most of my family suffers from mental illness I have tried very hard to prevent my fall down what seems like a very dark hole.

Unfortunately this last couple of years have not really been easy. Living with my parents hasn't helped. Anyway, I have my first appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and I'm super scared and nervous and I don't really know why. I know that if I don't want to end up like my mother (who is bi-polar and schizophrenic) I need to start with this early and learn how to deal with life and emotions, but the idea of being found out is just awful.

If anyone has any ideas on how to be less nervous I would welcome them. I know I need to do this but every fiber of my being is telling me to skip the appointment and just run away. But I won't.....I think.

:/

MusicalRaven

[meh]

Hi Musical Raven.... welcome to the boards. I don't know your situation but I waited until this year - I'm 48 - to start to deal with being bipolar. I'm convinced that if I started when I knew things weren't right - like when I was in college - I would be a lot better off today. Still bipolar but better off.

[MusicalRaven]

Yeah, it's been a rough couple of weeks but I know that I have to do it. It's harder I think because I don't even know where to begin telling my story. ALso because I feel that if someone were to take a look at my life they would be convinced that I was crazy for thinking anything was wrong at all. I can't understand why I feel this way and I'm hoping that someone will be able to help me shed some light on it. I just know that I'm not supposed to feel this way.

[weary]

Hi MusicalRaven,

Being scared is normal. One thing my therapist has said that I try to reflect on from time to time is that depression can be a sign that you are avoiding dealing with or doing something necessary but difficult, and anxiety can come from actually dealing with that difficult thing - so the anxiety could be thought of as a sign that you are doing something important and potentially very helpful.

Another thing to consider is that therapy is not for "fixing" something that's "broken", even though we all say and think that a lot of the time. It is for learning about yourself and who you really are, what you need and want, so you can accept that authentic self and present it to others, and work towards those goals. I can relate to the idea of being afraid of being "found out", and I understand how scary that feels. But there's nothing shameful about seeking some help for yourself on this process of self-discovery, and the potential benefits are worth the risk that you are feeling. I wish you strength and I wish you a positive and encouraging appointment. I hope you come back and let us know how it went.

[Kanata]

Hi MusicalRaven. Welcome

It is awesome that you are taking this step and totally normal about being super scared and nervous. Heck, I've been seeing my therapist for 2 years and sometimes I feel that way. Usually when I'm bringing up something new. Being nervous makes sense actually. You are going to meet someone new and be honest with them in a way that you aren't with most people. That's nerve-wracking but also damn brave!

One thing that I do that helps me a lot with nerves and my therapist appreciates is take notes. If I feel like I have 1000000 issues that I need to bring up with them I journal and end up with a list of things that I really want to cover. Some days I just bring in the list and read it off. Some days I hand it to him because I'm too shy to share it. Some days we just cover just one thing. I know my therapist says a lot of people do this at their first appointment so they don't forget anything. Just an idea.

[fifthsonata]

First of all, give yourself a huge pat on the back for going and doing something for yourself.

Second, the first appointment - the doctor does all the talking. You fill out questionnaires, answer questions, and things go from there. You can tell them you're terrified. The first session is an assessment. This is where they get a skeletal outline of what issues are troubling you and where to go from there.

They'll guide you along all you need

[MusicalRaven]

So I had my first appointment with the therapist today and I have to say that I thought that it was really good. I cried for most of the appointment, which is embarrassing, but she was very kind and was really great. I think that I will keep seeing her. I have an appointment with someone else on Wednesday but I'm not sure if I want to go now that I have established something with this therapist. But I have been told to at least talk to two people to make sure that the person you see is right for you.

All I know is that I still feel depressed but it's nice to know that there is someone there who listens when I cry and truly wants to help. Most people just want me to stop crying and get me to laugh but sometimes I just need someone to listen. I'm glad that I did this. It'll be hard but in the long run I know that it will be a great thing.

Thanks for all the support. It's nice to know that I'm not that only one scared and nervous of meeting a therapist for the first time.

Thanks,
MusicalRaven

[weary]

Yay! I'm really glad that you went through with it. I still get self-conscious with my therapist or my group when I cry, but it is a relief when I do so. There is something about NOT holding it together that is really powerful. Congratulations on taking an important first step.

[Stina]

Musicalraven --

Welcome to the forum and the wonderful world of therapy-seeking. I'm glad your first session went well!