I'm kanata. 37 yr old Canadian. I attempted suicide at 11 so I take that as the starting point. I've been depressed for 26 years. Diagnosed with "Chronic Major Depression". Add a dose of PTSD from abuse when I was in my teens and a dash of anxiety. There is some debate of "Borderline Personality Disorder" but I refuse to accept it (which I am aware is a symptom of BPD) since I've only had it tagged to me when I've been so low I've actually gone to the hospital, and because I'm a woman (or present as one - I'm some sort of mixed up gender). To me that fact that I learned to anticipate everyone's emotions and try to present them with what they want is less BPD and a rationale friggin thing when you are being beaten, assaulted because you've done one thing wrong...
...oops, I didn't mean to get into that. It has been pressing in my brain for a few days... I'm rationale, and calm as the next person! Honest!
I've done the gamut of anti-depressants. My doc says I've run out of single use ADs and most combinations of them + other stuff. I'm a shining example that meds do not fix or help all people and I'm slightly jealous that Paul has found some ones that seem to have lifted his mood lately (Tho thankful that they have). Still I keep trying.
I'm in weekly therapy with a decent one at last. After many many bad ones. It seems to be helping some. I realized that I'm allowed feelings now, and that it is OK to be emotional with people. The podcast has helped a lot with that too. Anyway, that's an awkward introduction of all my flaws.
