Nobody Like a Fat Kid

[Simon]

Is there anything more socially acceptable than the mental and physical abuse of fat kids? With all of the attention being paid to bullying these days, you still rarely see a news feature or expose on a fat kid who has been relentlessly attacked and maligned by his or her peers, unless it's the chubby little comic relief in the latest film or television show. As my musician/artist friend once put it so eloquently, "Nobody likes a fat kid." And how easy is it to carry those mental scars into adulthood when there is no real support to help dull the pain of the daily ostracism that clearly indicates you are lesser than everybody else, that your weight means you aren't allowed to feel good about yourself, that self-respect or just simple childhood happiness can be removed or denied you with no repercussions or contrary voices to be found anywhere? With all of the media's sudden obsession with bullying, do you so any affirmations for the overweight kids, campaigns telling these kids being tormented for being chubby that their abusers are wrong, and that they are worthy of love and respect and a normal life? No, all you hear is about "Obesity Epidemics" and the search for a solution to this plague of fat children, with the occasional 80 pound toddler dragged onto a morning talk show so its audience can feel superior for a few minutes. There is no therapy or understanding or support offered to victimized fat children, only the off-hand suggestion that maybe the other kids would leave them alone if they ate less cake. How do you leave that kind of negative reinforcement behind you?

Nobody likes a fat kid.

[ididthatonce]

You're singing my song, brother (sister? agendered sibling?)!

I was bullied, in part, for being a fat kid. No one bothered to step in because "kids will be kids." In fact, I was once punished by a teacher for standing up to my bullies. Sigh.

So I grew up to be a fat teenager who couldn't get a date to save her life. And then I grew up to be a fat adult who bounces from diet to diet. I've been lucky enough to find a handful of men who are attracted to me because of (and not in spite of!) my body, including my boyfriend. That helped a lot, but I still revert back to the "broken little girl" mode whenever I have a bad day.

What really makes me angry is seeing all the previews for this season of the Biggest Loser. They have kids on the show this season-- being verbally abused by Jillian Michaels (because, really, that's what she does to her trainees). They've taken fat-kid-shaming to a whole different level and it makes me want to puke and cry at the same time.

[Simon]

It's hard writing posts about this, because there is so much to say, so much stored-up rage and frustration... I am grateful that I no longer watch broadcast television, as I don't believe I couldn't handle even commercials for the Biggest Loser series, specifically designed to embarrass and mock fat people under the barely visible guise of "helping" them getting "better," being closer to human, becoming something good for something other than comic relief and public derision and scorn. This public ridicule is made easier by the fact that even fat people don't like fat people, because they have been conditioned to hate themselves, so it is so easy to get them to agree to public ridicule on a show created solely to create video clips of fat people falling off treadmills, because after years of mental and physical abuse, they have come to believe their tormentors who tell them that they are undeserving of affection or respect because their body type does not fall into society's current acceptable norms, and so gladly sacrifice whatever might remain of their self-respect or self-worth in order to squeeze just a tiny amount of respect and positive acknowledgement, albeit disingenuous, from the very people exploiting them on a show that comes right out and calls them Losers.

[fifthsonata]

To be honest, you can't leave it behind. After I hit puberty I was chubby, became overweight, and then turned to developing an eating disorder at a young age (I hit puberty around age 10). Becoming bulimic I turned to average weight, but being of a more...curvaceous figure....I was still ridiculed as being too fat by my friends, who were just hitting puberty themselves. While even at a healthy weight and BMI, I was still...."fat." Once again became overweight while still bulimic. Then, jumped the fence.

Now, at 27, I am anorexic. Dropped over 60lbs in a matter of months and was subsequently hospitalized.

I've been all over the scale.


So no, you never leave it behind. I'll never forget the time I was shamed because I was "fat" and a cheerleader. Fat girls can't be cheerleaders....or when my coworkers called me "matronly" despite being 22.

What you CAN do, however, is go to a counselor. Go to Overeaters Anonymous - they welcome eating disordered individuals, even if they aren't overeaters, or, if they're overeaters but are still of normal weight. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to talk to people who get it - despite different manifestations, an eating disorder is still an eating disorder.

Go to a counselor, go to a nutritionist. Often times, many who are overweight struggle with emotional or disordered eating of some sort. When you can get to the cause, it becomes very freeing.

While we may never have the pleasure of being able to see food as just food, rather than of determining our self-worth, it can be controlled.

You can also set the example for future generations by treating other fat people with respect and dignity. Show our youth that a person is a person, regardless of weight. It would be amazing if we could all just look at ourselves and say "Hey, I'm getting a little chubby. I should cut back," or, "Hey, I'm getting a little skinny, I should eat more." And that's IT. Nothing more, nothing less. No ties to personal character or worth. Just a number.

It sounds cheesy, but you are worth it. Just like the commercial says

[gfyourself]

Nobody "like" a fat kid or Everybody "tease" a fat kid.
I feel you.
Its like you always feel that you are less than, when you are fat. I'm short too so I got the double whammy!

[Kittieface]

I swear this is the most beautiful place in the world.. This entire forum... Thank you guys so much. I'm still on a high about being able to talk about this.

My roommate so sweetly and unintentionally resurfaced a few awful memories that aided in my eating disorders.

I've always danced. I was in Ballet Jazz for 8 years, and I was a belly dancer for 6 and I've also studied contemporary, and taken bollywood classes and hip hop and popping! It's my passion. When I was little I told me mom that I wanted to be a professional dancer when I grew up. And she told me I was a little too chubby for the costumes...... Then she wondered why when they slapped me in these spandex suits with my stomach showing I would hide in the bathroom and cry.

When I was about 12-13 I decided to write up an agreement with myself. That felt healthy. All the things I was going to take a break from eating in an attempt to lose some weight. During a swimming class a bunch of the I went to school with found my letter and read it out loud. And when I walked past them they yelled, "HEY, WANT A CHOCOLATE BARRRRR??" and waved it around letting me know that they just took all of that in.
I have a lot of trouble not hating girls.. this is part of the reason. They can be so mean...

I actually stopped bellydancing because I kept hearing people say they didn't want to see chubby dancers. Do you know how terrifying it is for me to get on stage in a fairly tiny outfit, as is?! And then to be told.. "Euh, I could do without seeing that really. Bring out the hot skinny dancers".

Something as simple as being told "You have a pretty face" sets me off inside. Because all I hear when someone says that... in that tone... is BUT THE REST OF YOU IS GROSS, KID.

I'm 5'10 (I think I shrunk down from 5'11 - possibly due to shame) and I'm 215 lbs. People tell me they don't see it because I'm tall. Well I feel it when I move around. And I sure as hell see it. When I look in the mirror there's an actual sense of solid disgust.

Last year I remember being at the gym, and mentally motivating myself in the same manner as mentioned by ididthatonce . That very accepted fat kid boot camp feeling. "COMMON YOU LAZY SACK OF SHIT!" It had hit a point that day where I literally sat myself up in the middle of the gym and nearly cried. How could I EVER allow myself to talk to me that way?! I never realized I had an actual problem until then. That was my eye opener. I always knew I was self conscious about my weight and all.. But I never noticed the mental abuse I put myself through.

I know that I often associated to that "fat kid" feeling they show in movies. You know, how the fat kid gets teased... and the actor so well portrays that sadness, that alone feeling that filled with rage and disgust and piled on with ice cream cravings... I couldn't even put it into words, but I'm sure you know what I mean... I feel that all the time now. When people tease me about anything, or I do something to embarrass myself, I revert straight to feeling like a nerdy fat kid. And I instantaneously get hungry. It's maddening.

If I look in the mirror and I see myself as disgusting... it makes me HUNGRY! I don't understand the wiring behind it!! HOW THE HECK!!?!
I mean, if I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted and decided to stop eating it would be just as unhealthy, but somehow I feel like that would make more sense.. Feel fat, want to be skinny.. stop eating. Don't get me wrong. It's a horrible sickness in either direct and I'm not AT ALL saying I wish I was anorexic instead. I wish I was healthy! What I'm saying is.. I can't even logically process this. It's absolute self-destruction.

I literally torment myself.

My friends don't really let me talk about it. They get mad at me.
"You CAN'T do that to yourself!" NO SHIT! I FREAKING KNOW THAT!!! It's not like I'm choosing to! It's this voice that implanted in my brain and it yells at me from way in the back of my memories.

I know my mom's always been a chubby lady, her sisters are both thin and tiny. And I remember her continuously saying, "I'm so fat. My sisters got all the skinny genes and I got the fat for all three of us." She's always talked about feeling disgusting and looking horrible because of her weight. "She has no problem getting a boyfriend, she's so skinny, look at her."

AND THEN MY FATHER! OMG... He used to yell at women jogging when we were in the car!! Not to the women, but at the women. I doubt they ever heard. Women thinner than me... "KEEP RUNNING HUNNY, YOU COULD LOOSE A FEW MORE POUNDS!!" I remember once looking at a picture of Gretchen Wilson, the country singer, and saying she was so pretty. And he says, "She's too chubby" (This may have been the picture I was looking at, cuz I have this album - http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b48/D ... Wilson.jpg)
TOO CHUBBY he says!! And then I flipped out on him, and my brother's gf at the time snapped at me telling me everyone is entitled to their opinion. Apparently, except for me, who was hurt by the fat that I was starting to see a pattern that sounded like, "Your dad doesn't find you pretty cuz you're fat. Sorry!"

One day, I woman'd up and told my dad he couldn't talk like that around me anymore. I told him he made me feel horrible about myself. It was the hardest conversation because I took years of comments and kept them all locked up. I even asked him if he left my mom because she gained weight. He was stumped. I don't think he honestly ever knew how it was affecting me.

I just want a way out now. I need this to be over. Thank you fifthsonata for recommending Overeaters Anonymous. It's really only just become apparent to me that I have a disorder. And I'm quite stubborn when it comes to getting better. So I'm hoping my perseverance will be contagious to you as well. We can absolutely help each other!! Motivate each other and keep each other on track!

Thank you for reading <3

[Jenny Jump]

Wow, just wow.

I love each and every one of you. Everyone has had such great things to say. I too have struggled with body image and am dusting my ass off after having a recent bulimic relapse.

A book that really helped me was "Fat?So!" by Marilyn Wann. She's amazeballs. It really challenged my ideas about what I THOUGHT I knew about body image and size acceptance. Opened my eyes to the size of dinner plates. I was humbled and continue to be humbled about what I think I know. I still struggle with what I look like and have my own resentments about my spouse's appearance. I feel so dirty having to admit that, but what I'm hoping to accomplish is to kill those thoughts by exposing them to the light of exposure.

What I do know is this: we are all lovable, our bodies are beautiful, and something really awesome is bound to happen to us if we keep seeking.

[Kittieface]

You're amazeballs for saying amazeballs!

Book noted! Thanks for the suggestion. I'm really ready to latch on to anything to feel better about myself in a healthy manner.
I don't want to have to wait till I'm "skinny" to feel better about myself. I'd like it to kinda just be a thing I do lol.

[MizLzie]

Wow. Quite the story, and I know it well unfortunately - think I'll try in point form to make it easier to track.

I'm short - 5'1" ish on a good day. And I have curves with a large chest. Definitely overweight.

Mom - would (still does, though now as much) always comment on how I was a carbon copy of her. I am, physically.
- dieting constantly as I was growing up and making it known
- was punished around food, once ate too much of what was supposed to be part of dinner and wasn't allowed to eat at the house for a week. A friend's mom actually made me lunch and dinner. (Funny enough no longer friends with the girl, very toxic, and at that time she got angry with me. Her mom sent the lunch with her and she wouldn't give it to me...)
- When I had to pick up replacement tickets for an event, she described me as "short, with a substantial chest"
- Said, "for a while I thought you were anorexic (not being hungry in the morning), then I realized you never could be"
- Said, "people like you and me need big hair to hide our big butts"
- Many many other comments about my weight. Especially when I'd fluctuate. "Look at her (to a friend) she hasn't been this thin since..." I cut her off "Since when, High school mom? When I was drinking to excess and not eating, just water and cigarettes in the day cause I was so hungover? When I nearly dropped out in my last 3 months?". Was drinking heavily at the time, food was only a necessity to live.
- Comment on me making food for other people, I'm a good cook, "maybe you should think about all the rich food you're making?" (this was last summer the last time I heard that, as I've crept up again)

Dad - tall thin. Like my sister...
- Almost completely absent after I was 6/7.
- teased his sister (in their 60's at the time) about how she was so fat in her swimsuit. That when she jumped into the water the level would rise 2 inches. I was there to see it. Chubby.
- Flat out said, "it would be better if you were thin like you sister"
- Disliked me because I physically reminded him of my mother. In the very few times we saw him after my mother fled with us (mentally & emotionally abusive alcoholic) It was obvious that he preferred my sister to me simply because of physical traits.
- My sister found out that he was going to give only her some $$ and not me (trying to make up for the lack of child support?). She told him she would give me some (thank you sister!!!) if he wouldn't. So he relented. Still, what a dick move. He doesn't even know me.

So yeah, your story touched a nerve. Leaving out all the teasing from other kids, it's so hard to have the people who are supposed to be there "unconditionally", treat you in such a way. I understand that some of the reason my brain operates the way it does is because of this.

[Simon]

You bring up a great point, MizLzie. Even beyond the relentless bullying by peers, it's the fact that even most adults, including parents, are either passively abusive or non-supportive enablers. In my case, I was lucky enough to have parents who didn't place a majority of individual worth on appearance: my father was never a jock, and my mother was never a cheerleader, and there was never any pressure on me to achieve popularity among my peers in order to be somebody. On the other hand, they had never been ostracized during their school days, so they never seemed to fully comprehend what it meant to be bullied. I was a thin, sickly child with asthma when I was younger, and they had no problems empathizing with my plight then. But by the time I hit middle school my metabolism shifted, and suddenly I was this meek, quiet kid in a huge body, and they never really figured out how to cope with it. There was never any use of my weight as a weapon against me (except the occasional family blow-up that is bound to occur in any household), but you could always tell there was that tinge of regret, that wondering of why their son couldn't just be "normal." Most teachers were at the least mildly supportive of the bullies as well, especially those fucking asshole cocksucker gym teachers, and the best that parents and guidance counselors alike could offer is "Well, have you ever tried fitting in a bit more?"

Comparing experiences in these situation is always tricky; I know that body issues are far worse for developing girls during the school years (especially as girls can often be crueler in their bullying tactics), but being especially tall (I'm 6'5 now) on top of being fat and meek made me a favorite target of the Napoleon Complex short kids who could build up their own self-worth by pushing around somebody almost twice their size. I guess it doesn't matter if the big guy you are pushing around or brutalizing doesn't fight back (beat up six or seven time, never took a swing back). I internalized most of the anger and turned it into self-loathing and depression. I never attempted suicide, but contemplated is several times; ironically, my blossoming atheism and lack of a belief in an afterlife was probably the biggest reason I never followed through with them. By the time I developed an ability to fight back aggressively and defend myself I was out in the real world where the majority of abuse from strangers is passive snarkiness, and to this day I find myself dealing with anger management issues, adrenaline surges leading to impromptu outbursts and extended periods of uncontrollable rage and bitterness, triggered by even the slightest perceived insult or condescending comment. Add to this that I'm still essentially a meek child in a body that could have potentially become a pro-wrestler under different circumstances, and you get occasional violent outbursts without even fully knowing my own strength. I have yet to physically lash out against a person yet, but I live in fear of being pushed to finding out what would happen.

I've only physically attacked a person once out of anger. It was my final year of high school, and the anger was finally beginning to get to large to contain. A couple of girls had been writing on my back with markers while walking behind me in the cafeteria. That alone should give you an idea of how big of a target I had become. The second day they tried it I caught one of them in the act, and I stood up and confronted them. She defiantly tried to draw on the front of my shirt, and when I grabbed her by the wrists to stop her and asked her what her problem was, she spit in my face. I can't think of any other way to describe it: I snapped. I remember grabbing her by the neck and slamming her head against the table (even then I must have been holding back, as it only resulted in a bruised forehead) and I vaguely recall the intention of repeating this over and over again. Luckily, our struggle had grabbed the attention of others before I snapped, and I remember seeing a kid leaping off of a nearby table out of the corner of my eye before he tackled me to the ground. Later, friends who witnessed the event would describe me aggressively shouting things that were uncharacteristic of me during the fray, and it took me awhile to realize that I had actually blacked out. I have no idea what I would be capable of if ever pushed enough to black out again.

I hadn't planned on writing about this, and almost stopped halfway through because it seemed like I was going off topic. But this is what it did to me, and this is how I am now because society decided that because I was fat, I shouldn't be allowed to enjoy my childhood. So there it is.