Relationship Under Fire

[nuveena]

Just curious if anyone with BiPolar (1 or 2) has had relationship issues stemming from said condition?

Is it normal to feel like the relationship won't last? That you can't understand what the other person sees in you? That you're never going to be able to make the other person and yourself happy at the same time? Or that you feel like you made a huge mistake sharing your life with that person?

Or is this purely a codependancy issue?

Just getting some feedback.

Thanks!

[ScottMentalPod]

There are many factors to this answer. It depends on if how old you are, your maturity level, your mood cycle, if you were abused, and if you're serious about getting better.

If you're 18, immature, and don't think you really have BiPolar, you'll be in a new relationship every 3 months.
If you're 27, mature, and have a handle on your mental state the relationship can easily go on forever.

My only real advice is find someone that helps reduce your stress level and not increase it. The less stress the better.

[nuveena]

Thanks for the response. I could see it lasting quite awhile (neither of us are really thrilled about the idea of starting over). However, do you ever look at your relationship and wonder if this is it? I'm 31 and 5 years into this LTR, I already feel like I'm trapped into a lifestyle that doesn't fit. *sigh* Maybe I'm just looking for any reason for being unhappy other than the relationship itself...

[ScottMentalPod]

I know what you mean. You might be feeling down and you're looking for a reason to feel down. Then your partner is affected by your mood. Then you start to question the relationship in general.

Because you said I think you're right. If you feel yourself *sigh* a bunch, I bet you're just feeling down. You have to ask yourself (when you're not feeling down) if you see yourself with this person in 5 years. If not, it's time to think about moving on.

Do you feel blah in the Winter time? If so, get a 50,000 LUX light. Reevaluate things in the Spring.

[meh]

Bipolar has been the white elephant in the room of my marriage for a while now. It's birthed a whole pack of baby elephants too.

It's no accident that 90% of all marriages where one spouse is bipolar and not in treatment end in divorce.

[Eljefetacoma]

I'm in a pickle. Got a good medication, in recovery for codependency, feeling healthier than ever, and yet my weird sexual problem won't go away. For like three weeks a month I don't want to be touched sexually and feel grossed out by it. Not very good for an LTR.

[ScottMentalPod]

"Don't want to be touched sexual and feel grossed out by it." Were you abused as a child? Have you talked to a therapist about it? Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe you only want to be sexual with someone you're in a healthy caring relationship with.

[Eljefetacoma]

Hi Scott, yes I was definitely abused (mostly covert sexual abuse by older brother). Ive been in therapy a long time, including EMDR, but still haven't cracked the code. I fear it will be this way forever. I had read somewhere that bipolar disorder can be linked to periods of low libido but I've found very little corroboration with actual sufferers. Most of it is asexual people or people who can do things with people who are safe, after some therapy. Im thinking of going to a sex therapist at some point but I have been reluctant (mostly due to money and embarrassment). If only there was a pill that made one want to be sexual. Id take viagra but I don't think that's gonna make sex feel any less icky when I'm not in the mood.

[lmoya74]

I was in a middle of a divorce when my psyche told me I was Bipolar. Before that I was on anti-anxiety meds for PTSD. My ever changing moods from these meds made living with me a living hell for my ex wife and my kids. Understanding my condition was the best thing that could have happened to me in addition to bing on mood stabilizers. The more I understand my Bipolar and how to deal with the mood swings have helped me so much. My ex wife and I are now in a stage in our relationship that we are thinking of trying again, she just wants to make sure that the old me will be controlled and I stay with my meds. I am finding more and more about myself and how to better deal with life, my anxiety, my thoughts, and actions. I have bad days, but now I feel that they are fewer and fewer. I am very lucky to have a person that even though we are divorced, I can still lean on in my times of depression. IN fat, my relationships with my children has gotten better. I hope that you are taking your medication, because it is so much easier living a life with bipolar when you take them.

[Eljefetacoma]

thanks lmoya, I appreciate your response. I'm still dealing with this issue. Sucks real bad.