YOWZA!!!
Long time......so much has happened.......I got significantly fucked by Hurricane Sandy and Ma died less than four months before that.....so 2012 was a pretty big year for loss.....and now the phrase, "before the flood" has a surrealistic reality for me now.....everything is like BC and AD now in my life....
I am NOT alone.....long out of work last year with the oppressive actions in my face.....wowza was it nice to get back to trucking, ironically the job I was calculating up to quit......maybe still in time I shall......
I wont harp on the flood particulars......floods are ancient happenings and I think I did really well......lot's of confusion when a flood comes to you and more afterwards.....and it continues......I'm living in a flood hit house, my home of 25 years with more options than most people who had the Atlantic flow through their living room and all the authorities/agencies at times at least seem like, "The Lord of the Flies".....
Loss has a lesson to impart you must know....(or you should).....It's almost like a freedom when you get this lesson.....I wont explain.
OH HOW I ENJOY Paul's podcasts......first podcast I ever heard was MIHH, an estimated choice it was when I got my iPod.....and I hit the sweet meat.
Wow how some people have stories to tell. My shit including the flood and such isn't really much compared to so many others. I think Paul's community here that I am part of has been vital to my growth. I mean that.
Why did it take so long to feel like I'm doing my life with little doubt finally now? Ahh, some questions just need to be put aside with no demands for answers.......
I continue to meditate and now I'm reading about "secular" Buddhism......refer to Stephen Batchelor.......I've discovered Susan Piver and Brene' Brown and a few other people that I respect with regard to my spiritual and social instructional needs.....
I so much love the podcasts......
I'm still new with meditation and mindfulness......but the habit is growing.......I trust it.....I enjoy the explanations of those that teach these things, explanations that help me understand how extending forgiveness to some jerkoff may not work and if it doesn't, how trying to do so provides a benefit for my work in such a thing......man, did that one example clear up my mind......
HEY PAUL!! The love offs.....the fear offs....the evolution of your creation is really a joy to experience.....you, your guests and so many of the community members of this forum have given me possibly the best (integrity) feeling I've ever had as a member of a social species, the human beings.
I am grateful.....thank you thank you.
I'm gonna be 59 real soon.....and if you can grasp my meaning when I say.....I'm dead already........gone......yet I'm not.....not as of this moment....but I'm gone dead already because before you know it.....that will be exactly so.....dead gone and forgotten.....yet I'm not sad about it at all.....but rather at ease with the reality of it....the pure flawless inevitability of my end.....I don't feel frenzied to climb mountains or sail oceans.....I'm going to finish my coffee and go to bed....tomorrow I have off because a crane broke and my trucking load scheduled was held up because of it.....I'm going to work on my taxes and
my insurance claim issues relative to the flood....not exactly a festive day ahead, but I feel fine with the prospects of my plan.....
May you who reads this find a moment more than once today......to hold yourself with compassion and calm......and choose to do one little thing that will make your life a bit better.....choose to nail a little triumph for yourself and while doing so, don't think about anything else until it's done!
See you in the sky!